Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day 20: The Nightmare of the Survivor

I was standing at the counter of my job when someone came up to me and asked how I was doing.

"Surviving," I said. He responded, "Yeah. I know what you mean."

We both knew. everybody knows that surviving through all the thousand natural shocks the flesh is destined to suffer though is the name of the game. Shocks that are ever felt until our last breath. After all, we are all survivors... and live long enough to know we survive... for a brief time.

The unpleasant truth about the human being is two-fold. we all know that we must live an enormous amount of time suffering with the knowledge of a fate that no one can escape, a growth through a slow protracted decline (which paradoxically seems to occur very fast), which ends in death. Life to most of us is survival in suffering unto a great, final erasing from existence. Yet we erected many tough-sounding platitudes to fortify our resolve to that would allow us even get out of bed in the morning such as, "Only the strong survive!" What they really mean is only the strong survive for a while. No mention that the weak suffer too long and hang onto life in what must seem like an unreasonable proposition.

The point that I'm attempting to make in this disjointed, rambling rant is that I'm sick of "surviving." I know you are too. Whether if it is slogging through a shitty job, or a shitty relationship or a shitty life, I know we are all sick and tired of living to survive.There just doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. It seems that living to survive according to how much money you have and surviving to live according to how much money you have is the best idea we can come up with. It isn't. This is. An Equal Money economy. But I understand it's years away. Looks like we'll have to survive a little while longer before this gets done.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that "surviving" is a noble characteristic of the human being. I didn't realize that there is nothing "noble" suffering through a life of hardship for all of us who have nothing or are blocked from having enough to live with dignity and honor. We are all trapped within the jaws of a nightmare for survival, a nightmare that is unfortunately all to real and that nobody cam awake from until we all establish what is best for all, which is equality for all. Yet until that happens, this nightmare will continue devour and torment all until nothing left will remain.

I am grateful that I know have a chance in this life to awaken from this nightmare, grateful that I have something to work towards overturning rather than helplessly standing by and accepting and allowing this horrible dream to continue.

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