Day 45: The Desteni of Living - My Commitment of Principle

Wherein I commit myself to Living, Investigating and Implementing these Principles into my Daily Living -  if not already, as a Living Commitment to giving myself the Gift of Life and to be a Living Example of Standing as Principles.



1. Realising and living my utmost potential.

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa.

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others.

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others.

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well.

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own.

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me.

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.
 
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone.

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today.

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves.

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one.

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come.

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth.

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world. 

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner self/ being becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realizing it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath.

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me.

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realize this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without.

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all.

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth.

DAY 39 THE SHIT Gurus Say Part 2

And still there's more.

I had another realization upon waking up this morning. The dynamic of the seeking and the search for the "ultimate truth" about life is as old as there have been human being with enough consciousness to wonder what this life is all about. The gurus, more or less, have always said it's to follow their methods or the Gods or a specific religion or "path," or whatever, but recently (well, within the past 150 years or so) a new raison d'être has been offered: to be happy, healthy and goddammit - to feel good! I hear it feels good doing cocaine and heroin and crystal meth - but do it enough and it will kill you.

Is this the crap that passes for "wisdom" these days?  Even a sociopath will feel good about taking advantage of another and feel nothing for any suffering his actions will cause another. People who are religious will "feel good" about their religion and not pay attention or care about their fellow human beings, and will feel good about dropping bombs on them or starve them in order to destroy or convert rival religionists.

Obviously, the "feeling good" bit is a purely sinister piece of garbage that this Light-peddlers push to others to consume. How unfortunate for them that they have no idea that the light they worship and love is something they have no understanding of -  or even the awareness of its vampiric, reptilian nature. How better to control and consume a being's life-force than make it feel good and warm and fuzzy to that being? They will not only love (or notice) that their life-essence is being drained away, they will throw their money at anyone who shows them how to become a willing, unsuspecting victim!

I read this bit this morning, from Creation's Journey to Life:

Consciousness is simply the attempt of the system to understand itself. It‘s the attempt of the Organic Robot as the human trying to understand its point and its purpose within a system. A system within a system attempting to “evolve” into something. It knows there is something. It knows there must be something more, but it can't find it. Because, it's never really looked. 

It’s because the point that you know that is “more” is the point that you don't want to look at. It is the point that takes away all your specialness, it takes away all your fear. It takes away all what you regard you to be, so that what remains; is that which is Equal in Everyone. [1]

You know, this also came up after last night's blog. There was something fascinating to me about the gnostic drama of the Demiurge. The Demiurge in ancient pre-Christian religions was a prideful, inferior being that creates the material world and was frequently identified with the creator God of the Hebrew Bible by pagan sects. His world was flawed because the Creator was flawed, and this explained why the world was so fucked up. This made sense to me, much more than a "good God" creating a flawed and fallen world, as my Christian friends would say. However, there was a point that nobody looks at, and I was among that number.

The Gnostics claimed that there was a "higher" Good God that was "alien" and totally unconnected with this world and that this God somehow - and there are various systems and diagrams and differences of opinion on how this was accomplished - was able to place a secret particle of itself within human beings that it called back to the "Source" of this Good-Alien-God, just as long as you knew the right combination of words or symbols or teacher to follow. This is what we call a back-door. This is what we call self-limitation.

Stay with me. It's a back-door because even this seemingly ingenious model of salvation offers a familiar illusory escape from one's responsibility of having to deal with the world by saying it is "someone else's fault," when all you have is the mind's fiendishly clever acrobatics to escape the hook.

It is self-limitation because nobody ever considers the awful possibility that there is no benevolent Big Daddy watching out for all us poor souls slaughtering and being murdered by each other. It never occurred to me that it was possible that the Light could be the best masquerade for evil ever devised. It never occurred to me to contemplate the ramifications that our universe could be governed by a malevolent force that meant to use us as food. Well, until the first Matrix movie came out. Then I could see it wasn't beyond belief. And when I discovered the Desteni Material, I was able to put 1 + 1 together.

What have we done: 

In the forms and the systems and our expressions we have taken on – we have disregarded Life, and we have made the system, the personality, the ‘spirit-idea’ of everything more than what Life is. 

We have in fact become ‘larger than Life’, and in that has been our demise. 

We have lost our humbleness. We have lost our consideration of each other. We have lost ‘love’ in fact. 

And we’ve made of ‘love’ a definition, an idea, something that we’re attempting to express – but we do not within it consider that it exist in fact within each one as Life. And that Life in consideration of itself within all equally: Is what Love really is. It is within that – which we are One.

[1]http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/08/day-485-end-of-self-awareness-part-3.html#sthash.U4fv7sXf.dpuf

Day 35. Planning

Planning. I like to plan things, especially when there's a great potential for me to have a bunch of fun. Sometimes I become a bit obsessive until I feel a tide of revulsion rising within me - I believe I've considered that point enough!

Lately I have been wondering if such planning is done as a coping mechanism to get away from the present-here, which at the moment is filled with boredom and ennui, It's more interesting in finding the right formula for my plans in every detail. Later I realize that I am obsessing for obsession's sake. Don't know about yours, but my mind will find all kinds of ways to entertain me and keep me occupied within my head. I reckon it's call to plan some things, but I am quite sure I'm taking it too far. And in that, I realize it is taking me from facing self. So clever that mind of mine!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated by my mind's focus on getting me to obsess over certain things that keep me from being here,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind to focus on things rather than what's here. I really don't care for this as my relationship to my mind resembles the master-slave relationship (with you-know-who as the slave).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see time wasted in my day looking up things on the Internet.

I commit myself to be more self-aware when I experience my mind taking over my day. That's what happens and I don't have any time to waste. So I commit myself to carry on and realize that tomorrow never comes. Especially for those who spend too much time planning for it.

Day 34. Living in a Body

Lately I've been wondering what the relationship between "me" (which would be my conscious awareness) and my body. I'm not talking about the mind-body dichotomy in general, I'm talking about my own mind/body specifically. Hang on.

What's been bugging me lately is that I may (no, probably) have gone beyond the point of no return in this body - AKA "awareness of one's mortality." And it's not even fear of death, which would be understandable. It's just an awful realization that not only one's body is ageing, but parts are beginning to creak, rattle and not work as designed. It's planned obsolescence by the Creator.
Interesting the Good Lord created organisms with a ticking time bomb buried inside.  But I don't believe in the Good Lord, anyway. I'm here within an existential reality where nothing or nobody is in charge of this reality. That's why religions exist; to act as a buffer against existential uncertainty - for if God hadn't existed, humanity would have invented Him. Which is what happened.

Being God, of course, means that no deity may be burdened with self-responsibility. It boggles my mind that nobody gets this. Bodies are born, grown, linger and die. I am hopeful that what we see is only part of the cycle while the unseen chthonic part is equalizing or collaborating with some unknown factor as it cycles its way through Creation. I realize that speaking this way is just another way of talking about God and wishing for an "answer." I guess we're all programmed to do this. Amazing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for endlessly creating religions without realizing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself as my body because it seems to be breaking on me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that's not too cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed realizations that I then  don't act on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting at times to give up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because I believe my body is trying to kill me.
I commit myself to continue to stabilize my body, so I won't feel out of place or insignificant.

Day 33. Waiting for Superman

Superman represents invulnerability, fair play, Mom, Apple Pie and the American Way. As such, Superman is all-powerful and always manages to get to the scene in the nick of time. Apparently, nothing can really kill him. The Man of Steel is much like Jesus or a God.

When I say, "Waiting for Superman," I believe the phrase represents something that is nestled deep within the American consciousness. It's like a back door desire that claims "someone or something will come - and you won't have to take responsibility for yourself.

Aw, thanks, Superman. I didn't know you were taking my self-responsibility from me.

There are times in the past (and sometimes in the present, too) where I ask myself, what am I waiting on? What am I waiting for? I have no idea. I must be waiting for an act of God or something to stimulate. But it never comes. I'm still the same, old, me.Waiting for Supermen is pointless because he isn't real. So I'm waiting on myself, Again...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "wait" for something to happen instead of making something happen, or at the very least, perform some act that gets the ball rolling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for Superman instead of realizing that by doing so I am abdicating my self-directive principle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility seriously which leads to getting stuck in a rut for too long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not knowing I was abdicating my self-directive principle.
I commit myself to have a firmer grasp on what giving my self-direction away instead of using it, not for selfish ends, but to benefit of all.
I commit myself to no longer rely on waiting. All waiting does is keep you in a passive state that offers a fantasy that isn't real.

Day 32. Not Finishing What I Start

I have a problem of not being able to finish what I started, whether it be writing, researching or doing chores, I seem to always lose interest in what I am doing, procrastinate or just waling away from the issue. This may turn into another blog tomorrow about being "lazy," but for now, let's stay on this before I stop yet again.

So, not finishing... it's so easy, isn't it. Giving up or putting it off so I can relax in the center of my world. I've become spoiled in my old age. If I don't want to do something, I only have one person who may say something about it, so that's not going to stop me. Doing what I want - and that means being a tiny God in my tiny world - seems to be more important than getting things done that I believe I don't have time to do or want to do. This can only mean that I am not standing equal to my mind/ego's will. Which is unacceptable to me.Because if I allow this, then it means I am unable to change. And the beat goes on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and not fully focus on whatever it is I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-directive principle to my mind which then decides what will happen in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is "okay" to quit on projects or chores before I'm done in order to do nothing and satisfy my mind's ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal with my mind, allowing the mind to win every time without challenge or direction. 

I commit myself to finally break through the wall of not finishing what I start though not allowing the mind to have its way with me. I commit myself to move through the resistances and delays and barriers my mind throws up at me in order to protect itself from fears.

Day 30. Complaining

I hate complainers and I hate complaining even more. Really, the only thing worse about hearing someone complain is hearing myself complain. It makes me feel small and spiteful. Not while I'm complaining, but later after I've calmed down. I usually feel a small twinge of embarrassment. Especially when someone is complaining about your's truly. Then I feel pissed off. Then I ask myself who takes complaining seriously?

So everybody - STOP COMPLAINING! When you do it makes me want to run through a hospital with a Bic Lighter.
But seriously, complaining is a reaction of frustration and blame. And getting over such blaming and complaining takes a tremendous effort (and self-forgiveness). So for all you complainers out there, a simple message for you all: it gets better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having lived my life as anger through complaining. Complaining seems like you're fixing a problem while you're actually only talking. Or thinking. It feels like venting in this way relieves "pressure," but it really only compresses and crystallizes whatever you're complaining about. It's like a flame that burns and never goes out since it is constantly fuelled by emotions, feelings and desires to get even somehow with what I'm complaining about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into complaining instead of breathing and looking at the thing I'm complaining about is really that big of a deal.

I commit myself to stop complaining and not take things that aren't to my liking in a personal way.
I commit myself to stop complaining because I believe I'm helping myself out, because I know that I am not helping myself out.  I'm just blaming and accusing which places me into a timeloop again and again. I stop. I realize finally that it doesn't do me any good.

Day 29. The Citizen

I've had an interesting time as a US  Citizen. I've seen a lot of Shenanigans, to put it ever so lightly, out of my fellow citizens. But let it be known, I was never a proper citizen to be sure. Almost all the training in citizenship is a single class on American Government in your senior year in high school, so by then it is useless to gain any appreciation of the sizeless chasm that yawns between textbook and reality. This is one reason among many why the American Government gets away with so much shit. We as citizens have abdicated our rights to create a Government that reflected the highest ideals of justice and equality. So now we have quite a job to make America worthy of its ideals instead of having to carry this sodden carcass of shame and guilt for what we as citizens have accepted and allowed this country to become; a neoliberal wet dream that faithfully follows Jesus' words,

"Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."

The purveyors of the Bible will claim that this statement only refers to those who refuse to accept the Word of Christ, but Jesus, if he did say something to this effect, must have used the plainest language he could to communicate to the people. Given this view, Jesus is bitterly laying bare the psychology of the human mind, it's insatiable greed, mendacity, and an unholy determination to make others suffer for no reason other than puffing up the little dictator in your mind. And remember, this is the schematic for the neoliberal agenda.

The neoliberal agenda consists of cutting or better, eliminating public services (why?), total deregulation of companies so they can dominate each other, privatize everything that was used for the public good, like roads, libraries, schools. This is what Mitt Romney would have liked to deliver to his country club billionaire gang. But I digress.

The main thing is that we as citizens don't really care about anything beyond our small inconsequential bubble that to us seems like the entire world. We don't care about each other because we believe we don't have the time. I live between two houses and in the two years residing here I do not know either family. We carry masks when we leave our homes and think it's an accomplishment not to have a fucked up day dealing with other people. Ironically, it is within the relationships we form with others that may hold the key, if somehow we could become self-honest with ourselves and then with each other. Be all our sins remembered, as we forgive ourselves, Citizens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not trusted myself with others, and I forgive myself that I have not trusted others around me. It is the fear that is the human condition that drives us all back to our homes where we pray that we are safe and separate from each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and deny my citizenship thinking that such a move would give me "liberty."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to becoming angry with my fellow citizens when they went ape shit celebrating the War in Iraq. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate those who drove in cars with their stupid USA flag decals. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for hating them all and wishing them harm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fellow Americans are the dumbest people in the world. I can't stand that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being impatient and frustrated with Americans due to the fact that they are being led like sheep to the slaughter, and they don't care.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and angry with American leaders, who are in this arena to fatten their pockets along with their friend's pockets while the rest of America (the 99%) can go get fucked.

Therefore, I commit myself to remain critical of American stupidity, but not make it personal.
I commit myself to build stronger relationships with others in my community.
I commit myself to not carry anger and frustration towards my fellow citizens, since equality and oneness starts within each of us before hitting the streets.
I commit myself to stop judgemental back-chats towards other Americans, even when they say or do stupid things.
I commit myself to be more supportive within the political systems so we can change the rest of the systems.
I commit myself to become more tolerant of people who don't share my views.

Day 28. The Metaphysician

I really wasn't much of a metaphysician after the notion hit me. In fact, by virtue of a singular mystical experience that should never have happened to one like me. The "experience" which I never was  able to discern on my own, was a puzzle I couldn't crack. So I turned to the books of the Metaphysician, ancient and modern. Instead of getting to know myself, I wasted years trying in vain to get a handle on one unfathomable experienced that lasted all of 30 seconds. If only I had spent my time gaining common sense instead of looking to others to explain my experiences.

I poured myself into the ocean of wisdom and ancient teachings that offered up a surprising phrase or two, but I didn't notice that those words did nothing to improve my life. I learned far to late that words and sentences alone to not add anything of value in this world. I just felt "a lot more smarter" than anyone else. It's so strange to me now when look back on myself in those days. I thought I had a pretty good wisdom thing going on, but it was just useless junk that floated around in my head. I was a Metaphysician. It was like a club that existed only for me. I secretly wished for some metaphysical intervention, but alas, I was duped. I bought channelling books by the truckload. Can't say that it helped me at all, except to never place my faith in things that reek of deceptions, which was hard to swallow since that shit
sounded reasonable at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for placing value on an experience that was mysterious and an enigma, and that such experiences are important and meaningful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel "special" that something mysterious happened to me thus it was an experience of metaphysics.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to others as sources that gave what I believed in validity.\
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enchanted by New Age balderdash, because I believed they had the same inside poop that I had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that my time as a Metaphysician was of little consequence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had some "special gift."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be duped by my own bubble of knowledge and information. It only led me in circles without getting a hold of why metaphysics has to exist in the first place.

I commit myself to never again fall for the teachings of others who are as in the dark as I am when it comes to metaphysics.
I commit myself to never fall for the fluffy tones of the Metaphysician.
I am ready to find out who I really am, and to prepare myself into the living of self-honesty and common sense.

Day 27. The Rebel

"I'm like the wind. Nobody gets me, baby."

The rebel in me is the rebel you see.

I suppose everyone will rebel against something in their lives. I know I have. It's due to the absurd way that we live, stuck in some positing within a pecking order that is infinite and specific. One always has to be mindful of the authorities. And what makes authority such a potent fear-making machine, but the long arms of authority's reach - into your home, your bedroom, your finances, your job, your "spiritual nature," even?

When I check the history books, I see that the Rebel hasn't generally fared too well when all is said and done. Revolutions are the biggest bust, usually. Look at what's happened to Egypt's "Arab Spring" has wrought. The citizens managed to dislodge a dictator from office after 30-odd years, only to replace him with a dude who just announced he has just given himself dictatorial powers, by a decree - literally a page that someone typed up and gave to the press. This is what the Arab Spring has given Egypt. The latest entry in the book entitled, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

Other types of rebellion follow the same pattern or become an irrelevancy. Case in point; the atheist campaign against religion. Won't do any good. We're going to have to wait for a few more generations to de-religionize this country and the world. Atheists cannot intervene - only people who are hypnotized and mind-controlled by religion can deprogram themselves. Besides, atheists won't hear this either, by they have only created a religion to combat religion. Great job.

I supposed I rebelled against some of the most important systems in this world. Marriage, family, financial... I saw myself as a being that held free will and had to fight against authority to retain it. I didn't realize that my free will wasn't operational. All my actions and "decisions" had their starting point in a reaction to fear. Fear, it turns out, is the engine that drives each and every one of us every step of every day of our lives. I guess I'm rebelling against free will now. I'm laying this down so you can pick up on it. Rebelling for the sake of rebelling isn't going to give you much of a return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the power of rebellion, not realizing that all I was doing was falling into a trap of predictable failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my rebellions would make me happier and a more free person. I know that after all that rebellion that I no better off than before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not checking my starting point for rebelling against what I perceived as authority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rebellion against others made me more "intelligent" than everyone else, because it proved that everyone else were sheep too stupid to realize that they were being used.

I commit myself to dismiss the importance and legitimacy of the concept of "rebellion." It is Fool's Gold." If one's starting point doesn't take everyone into consideration and for the best for all, then any rebellion will be worthless, because the result will not be what is best for all. And what happens then is one gets more of the same, if not worse.

Day 26: The Colleague at Work

 

I've worked my share of dead-end and unrewarding jobs in my life, and since I've started my own business, I've realized that working for a company or other people wasn't all that fun. Or meaningful. Or lucrative. It seems to me now life a series of prison sentences where I was stuck in one place for 8 hours a day having to deal with all kinds of people, most I tried to like, but were often annoying or hideously rude (which is what you get when you work in "customer service."

I always loved that term, "customer service," where one "services" "customers." But rude and clueless customers were only one part of the equation of why I hated so many of those kind of jobs. The other half of my tale of woe belongs to my coworkers.

Ah, my colleagues and managers. There have been some that I became quite fond of, and others that I've thankfully forgotten and others who were just jackasses that I seriously would have liked to kill them.

But you have to work with others. No escaping that. I just wish they were sitting in a cubicle on the other side of the building.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed at people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to get away from some people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge these coworkers for getting in my way and making my job harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the managers who I worked for to be clueless about what went on in their own store.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have "favorites" of who I worked with and others who were not my favorites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that other workers were lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being aloof towards some coworkers I didn't want to get to know me.

I commit myself to not engage in secret mind banter about my coworkers.

I commit myself to not engage in forming secret mind groupings where I place people I like and people I don't like in separate groups.

I commit myself to be more tolerant of stranger I have to work with and not hold judgments about them in my mind.

Day 25 The Cultural Snob

The Cultural Snob as one of my personalities isn't what you may at first glance think of. I'm not of those in the upper classes who look down upon the lower classes. I'm snobbish (tending to look down upon) on people who blindly crow about how wonderful America is.

It's not that I feel American Culture is worthy of praise (it really isn't. American Exceptionalism be damned), or that its values and contributions have made the world a better place (absolutely not), or that its customs and mores are worth duplicating the world over. My kind of cultural snobbishness is my own accumulation of my likes and dislikes which I believe that if everyone shared it, our world would be a much better place.

And to this goes my political snobbishness, which is stridently finding fault with the current power structure. For example, democrats and republicans are useless placeholders of our political system. There is really not that much difference between a conservative and a liberal; they both want to keep the status quo (and the perilous state of the "middle class" at) on indefinite hold.  All the middle class does is act as the buffer between the very poor and the very wealthy. That's always been the role of the "middle class" from Day 1 of this republic.

Economical bearishness causes me to hold my nose when I hear people defend capitalism and its social contract when it is obvious that countries that adopt some kind of socialism enjoy a higher quality of life than good ole America! They bemoan socialism while cheering for social security, corporate welfare, medicare -- but giving American Citizens free health care (like they do in more civilized countries) is one step closer to Armageddon. Idiots.

Cultural snobbishness: what I like in the Arts is the best the Arts have to offer. My favorite painter also happens to be the best painter the world has ever known, in my opinion. snobbishness always comes from opinions, don't they? Plainly put, snobbishness, in its tendency to look down on others and judge them for being slow on the uptake, isn't good for me in my process.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on people who don't live up to my expectations.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on my fellow Americans because they are ignorant and clueless on how they are being used by the same hand that's enslaving us.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to allow this to frustrate me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a snob that has no tolerance of contrary views against what I have considered.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm right and they're wrong.

I commit myself to let go of the snobbery and judgments towards those who disagree with my opinions.
I commit myself to realize thatbeing a snob of any kind is simply not necessary.

Day 24: The Comedian

What is a comedian? Someone who tells jokes or stories in a humorous way. Someone witty and clever. I became a comedian because it kept me sane while growing up in a world that became more ludicrous and absurd the older I got. Absurd = absolute nonsense. The absurdity of life has so impressed human beings that a philosophy, existentialism, was created just to try and make sense out of it. At times my life was full of events so bizarre and preposterous that when tragedy struck again and again, all I could do was laugh about it.

I understood how jokes and comedy worked. Comedy is always based on lies or deceptions that blow back on the instigator in some way. Look at any situation comedy in the history of television and you'll see that what I am saying is valid.

Some of my favorite novels excel at extolling this trait of comedy/ Such as Catch-22. Television shows like Peep Show and Extras. To keep myself from getting beat up so much as a kid, I relied on self-deprecating humor. It worked. But I never really understood why I had to imagine life was an exercise in absurdity. Because everything we do is directed to deceive and divert attention from ourselves. And sometimes, or often, hilarity ensues.

Life is not a joke, however. I believe we can all agree on that. Life can be unimaginably cruel and painful, and there are no laughs to be had for the billions of people who are not able to enjoy themselves with a chuckle.

One time I was staying with a friend who got upset about something... I don't remember, nut may have been something I did. Anyway, I made a joke about it and she said, "Don't do that. You can't interrupt someone's pain with a joke." At first I thought she was being a little too precious, but now, I think she may have had a point. However, having a sense of humor can't be the worst thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perform as a comedian without understanding why I do so,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on using self-deprecating humor in menacing situations instead of just standing up for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the mask of the comedian, as I did so to keep people at arms' length, and so I was engaging in deception.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for using humor sometimes to be the center of attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of my actions when engaging within the personality role of the Comedian.

I commit myself to not employ comedy

Day 23: The Atheist

During my career as a long-standing atheist, amazingly it has just occurred to me that I have probably never changed the mind of one single religionist. Certainly nobody in my family, who no longer speak to me, but that's okay. I'm not missing the acrimony and the obligatory sea of bitter recrimination, thank you.

Atheists, listen to me. You are never going to change the mind of a religionist no matter what you say or how many times you call them "stupid."  It's pointless. And if you go to the atheist reddit dungeon, Christ Almighty, it's simply ridiculous the way the atheists bitch and moan about how stupid Christians, Muslims and Jews are. I get it - the meme  posters can be funny (on both sides) - but it's never going to get the religion out of the person. You might as well pray to an invisible man in the sky, as it will give you the same results. I guys the wise - guys at r/atheism  believe they're doing something without actually... um, doing something.

Well, I used to be the same way, full disclosure. My eyes would light up like a lighthouse beacon on a clear night. Still do. One of my favorite pastimes was to find out that someone was a Christian and attempt to engage them into a border war discussion (always friendly). I thought I was doing them a favor, but it never really produced a "thank you," in any case.

The other arena I found myself relishing the religious debate was of course, on the Internet. I really enjoyed taking the piss out of nitwits who attacked members of Desteni and felt justified in bashing then (always friendly) to pieces on You Tube or wherever. After a while, I got tired of it. If Christians or have been hypnotized by their holy books, so be it. They're hypnotized. I just have to find minds that are a wee bit more open. These folks usually make better conversation anyway.

The best way for atheists to deal with religious people is to leave them alone. Most atheists behave like religionists, anyway - and the funny thing is that they don't see the evangelical nature of meme - ing the Internet to death.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for thinking that Christians were stupid and too dull to realize that they've been duped, as I didn't understand that these people had been assaulted by the mind control devices that are the "holy books" of religion. I realize there's not much that can be done in these people and I commit myself in not doing that anymore.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy engaging in war - like arguments about religion, pitting what I thought was my superior intellect and point of view towards defeating the religious imbeciles. I realize this is counter - productive, and a waste of time, for I will only be seen as a "test" that was sent from God, anyway. So I commit myself to not doing that anymore.

Day 22: What haven't I seen Part 2

Part 2 from yesterday:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not paying attention to details.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse my inattention to detail by saying, "But I'm not a detail guy!"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not paying attention which caused me to miss my job interview.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for becoming depressed about missing my interview.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for blaming myself for missing my interview.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for "tuning out" when people talk to me. This began when I was a child, tuning out to whatever my mother was saying after I thought I understood what was going on, and I've carried this throughout my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tune out when my past employers want to tell me something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tune out when my past relationship partners wanted to tell me something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tune out when Denise would start talking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for tuning out because people bore me with their talking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tune out when I'm reading something because it's boring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tune out when I am reading because my mind assumes I know what someone is trying to say.
I forgive myself myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself become distracted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not listening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for realizing tuning out isn't acceptable, but I do it anyway
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tuning out because I can't be HERE when I do that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated when someone is talking and I don't want to listen to them anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to be left alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to tell people when they get boring to "shut up."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not paying attention when people are talking to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm smarter than most people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not taking responsibility for my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for forgetting to breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for judging myself when I don't breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling helpless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  for fearing of feeling helpless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I've forgotten how to cry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not standing up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel without worth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed for feeling like nothing is going to work my way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people with jobs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people who have a play to stay.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people who have nice cars.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people who can buy anything they want, at anytime.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people who seem to live carefree lives.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people with lots of money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being jealous at the people who don't have to work at crummy jobs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed  myself for being jealous at the people who can go to the store and buy as much food as they want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being more effective in standing up to the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for beating myself up because of not paying attention.

I commit myself with stopping the urge to drift off in my mind's arcade gallery. especially when someone is trying to communicate with me.
I commit myself to become less irritated when I have to listen to someone communicating with me when I am "busy" or rather be doing something else than talking to this person. That irritation is a learned pattern that I developed within my family and it doesn't serve me anymore, so I am committed in dropping that response and breathe and relax.
I commit myself to stop feelings of jealousy towards others who I perceive having "more" than I. That kind of response doesn't serve me and so I am committed to drop that response as well

Day 21 What I haven't Seen Part 1

How that I have not been HERE.
I haven't been HERE. I've only been in my mind. Not being HERE is causing a lot of problems. It causes me to miss information, to miss what's being said, causing misunderstandings, irritation and fear, because I don't know what I am doing or saying - just reaction. Not being HERE also causes judgments, avoidance and a lack of self-responibility.

Why is it so hard to BE HERE? It's because I spend so much time in my mind. I know that I shouldn't, but it's like an addiction, where I want to quit, but I can't. Or rather, don't know how to. I know the breath is important, but staying with it feels impossible, because I go into fear because I can't maintain it.

Why is this coming up? Because I need to make money bad so I can pay my bills and someday get back to the farm. And I've been struggling to find a job, and I had a pretty decent shot at one until I "blew it." I didn't pay attention to the map I had made and got lost, missing the interview. The question arose as I drove back home. " Why am I sabotaging myself?"

I apparently missed a few points about working, rendering the earlier self-forgivenes ineffective. It's all related, my "issues." I stop "not listening,"  and take full responsibility for my actions.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present in every single moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe being HERE is not all important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself in not being HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself in NOT being Here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self-forgiveness to this.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not  be fully Be Here, because I don't know how.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a dishonest being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form judgments instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to no fear losing my jog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with not finding a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry that I will never find a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in avoiding being present HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not paying attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for FEARING to pay attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend too much time in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I don't know how top stop being addicted to thinking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because "thinking is easier than breathing."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself because I can't breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of what I am doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of pretending to know what is going on.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding what is HERE by living in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing by breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging breathing as "so hard to do."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as "not good enough" because I can't be with my breath every moment.

Part 2 next

concerned).

Day 18: The Snob

"Eminence front - It's a put on."

According to some dictionaries, a snob is someone who believes that they are superior to others in taste and class, although the prime ingredient to be a snob is a self-importance that is offensively arrogant and annoying. And since I have experienced everyone in my life at one time or another to be arrogant and annoying, I feel that I am somewhat of an expert in bringing this character up for discussion.

Yes, I have been quite a snob in my life, usually  about things that I believe to be the most important of matters. Style, books, politics, art, music. Especially music. Don't get me started on music, because it would be my immense pleasure to inform you of the two types of music in this world: the music I like - which is genius, and the childish crap you like, and the only difference between us is that I have taste. This is what makes me a snob.

Oh yeah, and your politics? More boring than reading Ayn Rand. I despise Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Tea-Baggers, Libertarians (especially so), anarchists, Communists, Socialists, whatever... They all represent the status quo and they all do more harm than good. None of them act in the best interests of the people anyway, so don't pretend that your political affiliation is worth bragging about because it isn't.

Movies? The ones I like are the ones you should like. Don't bother showing me your favorite movies or television shows because they are most likely crap. By virtue of my wonderfully impeccable taste  in all things of art and culture, allow me to bestow upon you my favorites, as I already know you will extremely impressed with my erudite sense of style, fashion, taste and opinion. And if you aren't, it's only because you're a half-wit.

But what makes my snobby character so interesting is that it all my motivations for impressing others with my ideas, thoughts and opinions are based on a multitude of fears. Fears of inadequacies, failures, secrets, hidden shames. It took me a long time to realize this, but the tougher the talk the more insecure that person really is. Obvious so, isn't it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as "better than" others simply because they don't agree with my perspectives and opinions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others are not as smart as me because their glaring imperfections of their thoughts has blinded them to the obvious errors of their judgments and tastes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are stupid, ignorant sheep who don't know their ass from a shovel and dumber than a sack of rocks.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for being really stupid and brainwashed by the cultural taste makers and media pundits.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the cultural taste-makers and  pundits for being so good at their job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking to myself that people are hopelessly misled by forces beyond their reckoning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain thoughts that say that "this person is an idiot."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed over the fact that people won't "get it," that is, recognize what is happening around them, until it is waaay too late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically drained after entertaining snobbish thoughts during my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for reacting in anger when I see or read something that is so patently and metaphysically wrong - usually in relation to people or a group of people being abused in an atrocious way, with the exasperated astonished thought being broadcast as, "How in the world is that allowed to happen?"
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of holding the thoughts of snobbery, because nothing comes from snobbery except more separation - which is not a great thing.
I commit myself to end all manifestations of snobbery within my thoughts, words and deeds, and I understand it will be difficult, since I've been a practicing snob for many decades now. But I now understand that nothing useful comes out of producing more separation, which is exactly what snobbery does. Time to stop and get over it.

Day 17: The Liar

The Liar. Have you met me? Have you met yourself?

The act of lying attempts to assuage the fear of what the liar unquestionably knows. The Liar lives with an ubiquitous fear of the truth of themselves.

When I lie, it is because I fear expressing the truth of myself. I may not be understood or accepted without the lies. Lying makes the fear of ourselves and others easier to tolerate. As liars, we make sport of beliefs by transforming what we know and don't know into another version of reality. We all need lies to make ourselves look better, sound better, appear better than the truth allows. And since the truth allows deceit, so much the better for us liars.

When I lie, it's done to cover up something that I said or did that I don't want you to know about because I need to look good for those I care about looking good for. Otherwise, the fear of a diminishment of stature rises within me, which needs to be quelled and silenced.

Besides, I'm sure you have noticed how much easier it is to lie than to tell the truth. Lying is second nature to most of us. The Lying Character was born from the memory of being burned (or threatened of being burned)  by the truth. The fear of the Truth may very well be one of the biggest fears within the human being.

Another factor of why we are such great liars is due to motivation. We have all seen others commit acts which lack integrity and foster greed, which seems to allow us all to copy these patterns of dishonest behavior. And it is all due to our inability to post up against the million faces of fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to submit to and take upon the mantle of the Liar.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences without the benefit of lies.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deceive others with my lies, not realizing that I was only ever deceiving myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find more comfort in telling lies than in telling the truth, especially about the truth of myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the character of the Liar as a coping tool against existential uncertainty and memories of suffering for the truth.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can "get away with lying," without realizing that nobody ever gets away with lying.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to know that I am self-dishonest yet also believe that I am a "good person," which is living one ginormous paradox.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie and cheat and still believe that I'm a good person.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to equate "success" with "never being caught in a lie."
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to equate "never being caught in a lie," with "cleverness."
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the Liar character in order to present a false picture presentation to others because I feared that presenting who I really am was insufficient.

I commit myself to not utilize the Liar Character in order to make myself more acceptable to others. Because what does that really mean? For others to have a more "favorable" opinion of who I am? People who don't even know me in the first place? It's simply an exercise in ego-building for me to manipulate people to have a favorable opinion of me. Useless. Irrelevant. Meaningless. Because what good does someone's opinion about me matter in this world. Not a whole hell of a lot.
I commit myself to not equate lying with cleverness. It isn't clever. It's stupid. When one is engaged with lying, one is engaging with creating a separation based on fear. It's a path to nowhere.
I commit myself to work on decreasing the amount of lies I tell every day and to grow in being more comfortable and open with others. 90-95% of the lies I tell are probably unnecessary, anyway. And 100% of my lies are based on fears. So by reducing the lies in my life I also reduce the fears, which to me is time well spent.
I commit myself to become more self-honest.

Day 16: The Sacrificial Lamb

I forgive myself that I have sacrificed myself for people and things that were not one and equal with life.

What really bums me I made a really piss-poor sacrificial lamb. I gave up so much of myself and didn't even get very much in return. Supposedly Jesus Supposedly, God sacrificed His only-begotten Son, so that all people might have eternal life.”[1] See, there's an equation going on here. Something that is sacrificed x, gets a payoff, y, in return. My payoff was that I usually fucked myself.

The whole point of the sacrificed is that it must lose its intrinsic value through destruction, which oddly enough, carries the same energetic dynamic of demonism. Either mode, whether pious or demoniac, justify the murder of another creature in extinguishing life.

I look back in my life as a sad parade of sacrifices, small and large, which I enjoined because I thought and believed I was making a choice. But I never made the "choice," say, to marry women I didn't love or even intend on staying with. It seemed I was always "led" into the decision, and gave myself away, or closed my own doors to possibilities or opportunities, but I never really chose.

I'm not like the Jesus in the Crucified Christ story. I didn't seek out to be sacrificed. But I didn't (or couldn't) get out of the way when it showed up in my world. I didn't know self-direction existed then. Nietzsche would have called it "will." I was too enamored of the path of least resistance - going with the flow, as it were. And that flow led me through some strange times of self-defeat and directive paralysis.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself to/for others through "going with the flow" and giving into other's opinions of what was the best for me instead of using my self-directive principle to determine what was good for myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in resentment for having made sacrifices of my time and energy for things I really didn't value much.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in helpless anger over the sacrifices I made, because I never got what I wanted in exchange for making the sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for feeling cheated by the sacrifices I made, even though I realized what I was doing - taking what I thought was the "easy way out."

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to question the value of sacrifice every time I made up my mind to sacrifice myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had no choice but to be victimized through sacrificing myself to and for others, as this mindset has allowed myself to not face and accept  self-responsibility for my actions for I wanted others to take responsibility for what I imagined happened to me.

I commit myself to not use the idea, projection or belief "sacrifice" or "self-sacrifice" as an excuse for not taking self-responsibility for what occurs in my life.

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[1] This however, never made much sense to me because if Jesus could be "raised from the dead," then his death wasn't as "real" as human-folk are. For human beings, once you're dead - you stay that way. Poof. Gone. But Jesus gets a mulligan, a do-over. Imagine (just this once) the sacrificial lamb which the priests convinced an incredulous, ignorant and superstitious people that beast could actually be ladened  with the "sins" of the people and then slaughtered - its spirit sent back to God - imagine then after that the lamb popped back to life! The sacrifice would be useless as the whole point of taking the life of a creature is that it holds a value that is consumed and "given back to the Creator." This is a contradiction. Once a "gift" is destroyed, how can it be given back? In this case, sacrifice seems to be a negative-sum proposition. "Here, God. We extinguished the life of this animal, the life that you endowed this beast with and made it something of value. Isn't that cool?" So why would the Creator desire something of value that He created to be given back after it was destroyed? Because we are dealing with the human (genetic?) quality of escaping self-responsibility. Better to imagine someone else more powerful taking that responsibility for you.  But Jesus turns the concept upside-down. He doesn't really die, according to the narrative. He rolls away the stone and shows up to his disciples and disappears again. The precious, sacrificial quality of Jesus' death never really takes place because the Son of God is immortal. It's simply a trick. Like Sarah Silverman says, "Jesus is Magic!"

Day 15. The Bookworm

"Discontinue sagacity, discard knowledge
The people benefit a hundred-fold."
LaoTse


"All the philosophies in the world can't compare to a single physical atom."
Bernard Poolman




I've always enjoyed reading and having a collection of books to support my quest for gaining knowledge and information. For some reason I never experienced any difficulty with reading. My books, my knowledge and my information were crucial in creating and gaining my perspectives in relation to this world. Early in my life I was instilled  with the belief that knowledge and information were the touchstones of our reality. Apparently, people who lived before me had thought great thoughts which were written down, which in fact had initiated and sustained human evolution. My favorite place to be on earth when I was a child was within the marble and sandstone structure called the library.

Now, why would I be spend time talking about something as innocuous as reading as a patterned point to take on? The point is this: The pattern become very dominant in most of my characters and it entailed reading, reflecting, memorizing details and comparing it to my own perspective. Filling my consciousness with knowledge to me seemed like filling my lungs with air.

People who are familiar with the Desteni Process are also familiar about the parasitic nature of the mind consciousness system. The mind consciousness system is not understood by scientists of the mind and consists of the downloaded info passed down through genetics and through the thoughts and knowledge gained by participating within the world. Everyone has built up various personalities and characters that reflect and to cope with the various memories, parental, social and environmental influences that rain down on us daily. For myself, I've used intelligence, vocabulary, memory, reading and writing to support my world-view and mindset. With these I built up a knowledge and information fortress comprised of the pages of books and magazines which gifted me with my personal perspective of the world - which for a lifetime, I considered "correct." It wasn't until I met and studied with Bernard Poolman that it was revealed to me that my knowledge base that I was so proud of made very precious for myself was essentially a religion. And of course, a religion is nothing more than an organized system of beliefs that is used to control and enslave people to a particular imaginary point.

This isn't the blog where I'm going to write about how the accumulated knowledge and information has not made the life better for the typical (non-wealthy) person in this world aside from the technological conveniences and some medical advances. This is the blog where I am writing about something more personal, where knowledge has failed me because I depended on knowledge to make me a better person. And you can be smart as fuck and have an interesting, rewarding life - but what good is it in a world like this? The smartest people in the world have no ideas and certainly no solutions to the global problems in the world. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the problem with knowledge - it's still quite limited and hasn't solved a single social problem since the days of ancient Greece. My acquired knowledge never rang up the solution to the problems of the world. In fact, I once (and ashamed to admit in public) that once could create their reality through imagination. And that flying saucers were due to arrive any moment. Today I cringe that I ever could be taken in so easily.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that acquiring knowledge and information made me "intelligent," when it only made my self-definition dependent on something outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that "intelligence is better than ignorance," and thus since I was "more intelligent than others" I must be "better than others," not realizing that intelligence is limited and I was limiting myself by defining myself is such ways.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to erect an edifice of personalities based on "intellect" and "wisdom," and within that not knowing that these personality structures were based on imagination and mental limitation and ultimately worthless.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use and accumulate knowledge and information to justify my perspectives of the world without finding or observing a solution to or taking responsibility for the problems my perspectives took notice of and objected to.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become isolated within my mind while amassing volumes of knowledge and information, which only diminished my effectiveness within the relationships I maintained in my world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be seduced by the claims that knowledge and information could find an answer to solve all the world's problems without seeing or understand why they never had anything more than a piddling effect throughout all of history.

I commit myself to no longer plunge myself within the refuge of books for the purpose of acquiring knowledge and information that will justify and feed my ego's need to be "special."
I commit myself to use my acquired knowledge and information in a meaningful way - to further and help bring about a solution to the benefit of all, and not waste time on meaningless mind-worship.