Day 43. "You Can't Pay Rent with a Credit Card."

Whenever I speak to somebody about the Equal Money System, the Living Income Guarantee or constructing a far more sane world where everyone has their needs met, I usually receive from the person I'm speaking a pair of raised eyebrows, a smirk or a facial expression that suggests something the recall of an unpleasant or contemptible memory. Then invariably comes the typical response:

"Well, that sounds nice, but people are too selfish. You can't undo millennia of an accumulated human nature that has at its core the survival of the fittest!" 

While I concur that the current condition of human behavior prevents the possibility of granting a dignified life to everybody, we tend to forget (conveniently) that human behavior does not develop in a vacuum. It is taught and transmitted through agents of socialization (parents, education systems, peers, etc.) and is not some undeviating native default psychological state that people are born with. The real flaw with systems of thought like libertarianism or "freedom" or "liberty" is that people tend to believe the ideas they hold in their heads are real when ideas are merely illusions until they become manifested into reality through physical action. 

"No, no, no, no, no, mo, no. Let people be responsible for their own actions!"

An assertion of this nature can only be made by someone who is so satisfied with their current life situation, that they cannot consider any possibility of people having little no options in their life. It is the justification for the abuse, inequality and the enslavement to systems to continue. It is impossible, currently, for some starving child in a Darfur  refugee camp to become a Nobel Prize winning physicist. That child was born without any options to be responsible for - other than to instinctively cling onto life as long as possible. Do people really believe that everyone gets a fair shot at life? Of course they don't. So why are we pretending that equal shot exists for everyone? And why is it so hard for people who see all the inequality and inhumanity to come together and help provide a solution that is best for everyone? It's like we walk around with virtual fish bowls on our heads, and we view and judge the world through the prism of this bowl that is filled with a mental reality that has been transmitted to us and assured is as real as that the physical reality we exist in. We are not even aware of the massive disconnect between our reality and the thoughts, opinions and beliefs about that reality.

Maybe, just maybe this disconnect between reality and our thoughts about "freedom" (for instance) has been caused by the social programming of the citizenry into accepting without question the lies and distractions of the technological bread and circuses in exchange for authoritarian creep in our government systems and precipitous claw back of civil liberties. And although we have been programmed into living as isolationists within our homes, we also could stand having our sense of brotherhood reawakened as well. If we can conceive a Heaven on Earth, it is not impossible.

Day 42: Selling Scared

How can it be that one day I was completely stoked into getting to the store and selling shit at Big Boxco and experience a great, satisfying day and the next day I worry and fret about performing the exact same actions and proceed to lay one flat, uninspired gigantic egg? Well, it happened and let me share how that came to be and how I was able to understand what happened in my process in order to self-correct myself when I see myself repeating the steps that led me down that road.

Generally, I’d been feeling really good about my performance so far throughout this cycle. I feel I’ve been consistent and able to bring everything I’ve learned previously in sales and apply the new systems I am integrating into the mix. I’m having fun even though it is hard work. I look forward getting to the office to learn new things every day. I can’t think of a “job” that I’ve ever felt that way about.

This past Monday I was so sure I was going to get those numbers I was looking for and I had a ton of energy going in and I connected well with everyone I spoke to. It feels like I’m in a flow and everything clicks.

But afterwards, I felt a little worried about the next day, Christmas Eve. I had three flavors of the four pizzas left to offer, and I only had a few packs left of the one that people seemed to like. I allowed doubts and questions to creep into my mind how I was going to be able to get through the day selling two of the less desirable flavors.

I resolved to go out on the next day and make it great for myself and the club members, anyway.

The morning started promising. I dropped a bundle as I was setting up my table. I felt silly for allowing pointless worries to dampen my attitude. There was only one other vendor working a sample station and I thought I had it made!

But for reasons that weren’t readily apparent to me, people seemed slow to pick up anything from the table. The little dude in the back of my head began to track the clock and calculate how many units I’d have to catch up with in order to reach my goal. The deeper I got into the day, the more I felt that I was fighting a losing battle against time. I stubbornly relied on my training and on the systems I’d been taught, with no appreciable difference. I was caught in the horns of a dilemma - and I know myself well enough to understand that some time would have to pass after I walked through this point to apply effective self-analysis and learn from it.

And it came to me after I left a message for my team leader. The last thing I said was I didn’t have that connection with the people I normally had and in a second after I spoke it, I realized why. I was flat and had a crappy experience because I was... wait for it... afraid to sell what I had. And even though I told myself that I was going to have a super-duper day and would be swinging for the fences, that fear only became submerged and repressed. Those thoughts, fears and doubts directly influenced my energy level and my connection with the people.

This is an experience I’m sure everyone can relate to, and I am sure fears will pop up again. I understood it before, but now I have a clearer understanding of why protecting your attitude is so important. In a job where so much depends on one’s mental health in order to be a success, allowing doubts and fears to invade your mind is the quickest way to have a miserable day in sales. And what makes it even more crucial to understand is that those doubts and fears were all in my head! They weren’t even real! They were just ideas I had about some imagined scenario in imagined future outcomes that took me off-course and out of the present moment, which left me unable to be effective in that moment --- because I was believing the story I was imagining in my mind instead of being totally present in my reality and having fun with it as I usually do.

So, in order to release those suppressed fears and doubts for good, I forgave myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience fears and doubts to become my experience that prevented me from connecting with people and reaching the goals I set for myself. I let myself off the hook. And I’m glad I went through it because I now better understand the points within myself I need to focus and strengthen. And that’s cool.

Day 41. Energy or Stability?

I was sitting in a group of people who were discussing the Law of Attraction, energy and positive thinking. There were a lot of perspectives being bandied about and while such talk usually ends up boring me, thankfully the conversation turned a corner and someone related the very brief story of the bamboo tree. To grow a bamboo tree, one has to water for what looks like a whisper of a sprout for years and years. One needs to attend to this sprout consistently, attending to water it every day for years. I don't know if this last bit is true, but after 7 years the bamboo suddenly shoots up to a hundred feet tall, or whatever. I don't know anything about bamboo. They do seem to grow very high, though.

I liked this story so much better, however. Firstly, it was instructive in how one doesn't need energy to achieve an outcome. Patient, consistent action and a will that doesn't give up. A recognition that you can't sidestep or shortcut the programming of a bamboo plant also requires no energy. Is it possible that energy isn't as vital as an ingredient to manifesting what you want as it is believed by some?

As I rolled that over in my mind it occurred to me that all my failures in my life came about due to my reactive mental state, emotional instability or just plain giving up. In relationships I must admit in falling on all three points simultaneously. Often. They aren't joking: hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I had only realized how much I was about to lose by falling into emotional, reactive states which I thought, bizarrely, would somehow get me out of trouble. Looking back, it's hilariously funny now that getting out of trouble was never in the cards for me. Giving into emotions, desires, energy and giving up always seemed to leave me worse for wear. It was unfortunate that I couldn't tell the difference or read the moment when it was really time to give up and when it was time to let go. If I instead remained stable throughout the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I could have benefited from better decision-making. I could have saved myself and the people around me from having to deal with loads of unnecessary shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captivated and carried away through energetics of feelings and emotions - I didn't understand the nature of energetics nor considered that they may not be beneficial to me or others in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy myself and others through misuse of energy and unclear thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider patient stability in dealing with my problems and within my relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly look for shortcuts to reach my goals. This was done out of an inability to slow down and patiently apply myself effectively to the task at hand.

I commit myself to exist with consistent, patient action that brings about the result I'm looking for rather than focusing energy of achieving completion of a goal.

Day 40 The SHIT Gurus say Part 3

The syllable gu means shadows The syllable ru, he who disperses them, Because of the power to disperse darkness the guru is thus named. — Advayataraka Upanishad 14—18, verse 5

The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao The name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same source. This source is called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding. - (1) Tao Te Ching, Trans. Stephen Mitchell 

 I suggest, that one consider, forgiving yourself for every single point where you have denied yourself the insight, the realization, the common sense that Life is Equal within everyone.  For that, Forgiveness is a tool, because in that you give yourself freedom from your delusion.  - Bernard Poolman

So gurus exist to disperse the darkness? That's so like them. Maybe that's why I never trusted any of them. Krishnmurti (J, not so much U.G. - he was actually kinda cool), Alan Watts, Osho, the Buddha Boy, etc. I just couldn't get behind any spiritual teacher enough to say, "Yes, that's it. I'm following him." When I look back on it, that attitude may have been ingrained within me from when I was involuntarily dragged to different churches during my childhood. I hated them all for the most part, and I especially loathed the preachers. I hate to get all Holden Caulfield on ya, but anyone could see they were all phonies. If I was going to accept spirituality, it would have to be acceptable on my own terms, not what somebody else said about it. My problem was that I accepted too much of it, far too much to see and recognize the farce and the illusion of its entirety. Yes, that's right, I knew and understood that most of spirituality was bullshit. Course of Miracles? Bullshit. The Urantia Book? Bullshit. Ramtha? Bullshit. But the Seth Material, the works of the ancient Gnostics, Theosophy and Conversations with God? Oh, those were just fine! I bought into those works because they contained the right amount of pure bullshit that I found agreeable. That’s the key. Everybody tends to gravitate towards the perspective that carries the same frequency of their programming, knowledge and information. And then become controlled by that.

What is interesting is that all these works have the same built-in deficiencies: not one of those sources of “wisdom” addressed why so much evil shit kept happening, and for all intent and purposes, that evil shit seemed to grow at an exponential rate with each new day. The more I got into it, the more it began to frustrate me. I didn't really want to know the secret behind existence as much as learning what could be done to fix and repair this world. In the end, spirituality taught me that it could only offer vague blandishments and esoteric, meaningless bullshit. Spirituality contains no solution, you know. Bullshit, no matter how esoteric or meaningless, is never about a solution. That's why it's bullshit. But in the hands of a master bullshit artist, like a politician or a guru, one can make anything sound beautiful and relevant. And since people have been programmed to equate flowery bullshit with "truth" and "nice feelings," they can find more than enough dupes to subsidize their lifestyle and self-illusion. Most people are content with living with bullshit. But gurus make their followers feel “special” by dispensing “pure bullshit.” As Riz Mirza says, “It’s a great gig.”

And now you know why gurus exist - to find people to subsidize their lavishly-built spiritual illusions. The job of the guru is present themselves as shortcuts to Enlightenment. And that for a commission, they can shortcut enlightenment for you, too. The Guru will promise if you follow his methodology, teachings and perspectives, you can become "more" than you are now. You will become a “new being” if you will chose to feel "happiness" and positive and believe that your new self-definition is real without doing a goddamn thing. Well, except giving the guru money, recognition and followers. Gurus teach how to "disperse the darkness" of the real world be escaping from it by fleeing into a false consciousness filled with rainbows, unicorns, energy, light and love and feelings.

It is unfortunate for gurus and their hapless followers that they will never consider that their knowledge, consciousness, energy and feelings – everything that makes them feel good about themselves - are not real. The only reality that matters is the one they are trying to escape from. And the gurus and their followers of Light and Love are too enamored with their own perspectives to ever break free of their self-delusion to consider anything that doesn’t “feel good” or justify their self-interest.

So, how did I manage to break out of that spirituality bubble? I realized that it didn’t answer the questions that I had or cared about. I wanted to know about why the world was so fucked up and people were so shitty to each other. Why governments and corporations have been allowed to run rampant over the lives of beings that have become disposable commodities. I didn’t see the connection between all of that and walking around with a phantom of St. Germaine on Mount Shasta or being in contact with aliens. I couldn’t connect the dots. It was an interesting detour from the awful reality of this world, but the awful reality world never went away. And I guess in the end, I felt more of a connection to the abused and the disposable and the powerless in the world. That’s why when I finally bumped into the Desteni Material, I felt like, “Wow. This is the shit!” The missing blanks filled in with common sense and hard, gritty substance that did not forsake the real world. The search was over. The news that the Desteni Material brings isn’t a sugar-coated cake to make you feel good about yourself – but it will make you reconsider your priorities, and more importantly – take goddamn action to really change yourself and your world. If you are only concerned with maintaining your own special, light - filled scene, then you’ll only see demons. Which is to say, you’re only seeing a reflection of yourself.

DAY 39 THE SHIT Gurus Say Part 2

And still there's more.

I had another realization upon waking up this morning. The dynamic of the seeking and the search for the "ultimate truth" about life is as old as there have been human being with enough consciousness to wonder what this life is all about. The gurus, more or less, have always said it's to follow their methods or the Gods or a specific religion or "path," or whatever, but recently (well, within the past 150 years or so) a new raison d'être has been offered: to be happy, healthy and goddammit - to feel good! I hear it feels good doing cocaine and heroin and crystal meth - but do it enough and it will kill you.

Is this the crap that passes for "wisdom" these days?  Even a sociopath will feel good about taking advantage of another and feel nothing for any suffering his actions will cause another. People who are religious will "feel good" about their religion and not pay attention or care about their fellow human beings, and will feel good about dropping bombs on them or starve them in order to destroy or convert rival religionists.

Obviously, the "feeling good" bit is a purely sinister piece of garbage that this Light-peddlers push to others to consume. How unfortunate for them that they have no idea that the light they worship and love is something they have no understanding of -  or even the awareness of its vampiric, reptilian nature. How better to control and consume a being's life-force than make it feel good and warm and fuzzy to that being? They will not only love (or notice) that their life-essence is being drained away, they will throw their money at anyone who shows them how to become a willing, unsuspecting victim!

I read this bit this morning, from Creation's Journey to Life:

Consciousness is simply the attempt of the system to understand itself. It‘s the attempt of the Organic Robot as the human trying to understand its point and its purpose within a system. A system within a system attempting to “evolve” into something. It knows there is something. It knows there must be something more, but it can't find it. Because, it's never really looked. 

It’s because the point that you know that is “more” is the point that you don't want to look at. It is the point that takes away all your specialness, it takes away all your fear. It takes away all what you regard you to be, so that what remains; is that which is Equal in Everyone. [1]

You know, this also came up after last night's blog. There was something fascinating to me about the gnostic drama of the Demiurge. The Demiurge in ancient pre-Christian religions was a prideful, inferior being that creates the material world and was frequently identified with the creator God of the Hebrew Bible by pagan sects. His world was flawed because the Creator was flawed, and this explained why the world was so fucked up. This made sense to me, much more than a "good God" creating a flawed and fallen world, as my Christian friends would say. However, there was a point that nobody looks at, and I was among that number.

The Gnostics claimed that there was a "higher" Good God that was "alien" and totally unconnected with this world and that this God somehow - and there are various systems and diagrams and differences of opinion on how this was accomplished - was able to place a secret particle of itself within human beings that it called back to the "Source" of this Good-Alien-God, just as long as you knew the right combination of words or symbols or teacher to follow. This is what we call a back-door. This is what we call self-limitation.

Stay with me. It's a back-door because even this seemingly ingenious model of salvation offers a familiar illusory escape from one's responsibility of having to deal with the world by saying it is "someone else's fault," when all you have is the mind's fiendishly clever acrobatics to escape the hook.

It is self-limitation because nobody ever considers the awful possibility that there is no benevolent Big Daddy watching out for all us poor souls slaughtering and being murdered by each other. It never occurred to me that it was possible that the Light could be the best masquerade for evil ever devised. It never occurred to me to contemplate the ramifications that our universe could be governed by a malevolent force that meant to use us as food. Well, until the first Matrix movie came out. Then I could see it wasn't beyond belief. And when I discovered the Desteni Material, I was able to put 1 + 1 together.

What have we done: 

In the forms and the systems and our expressions we have taken on – we have disregarded Life, and we have made the system, the personality, the ‘spirit-idea’ of everything more than what Life is. 

We have in fact become ‘larger than Life’, and in that has been our demise. 

We have lost our humbleness. We have lost our consideration of each other. We have lost ‘love’ in fact. 

And we’ve made of ‘love’ a definition, an idea, something that we’re attempting to express – but we do not within it consider that it exist in fact within each one as Life. And that Life in consideration of itself within all equally: Is what Love really is. It is within that – which we are One.

[1]http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/08/day-485-end-of-self-awareness-part-3.html#sthash.U4fv7sXf.dpuf

Day 38 The SHIT Gurus Say

I came across this post on facebook by some lightworker guru that goes by the name of Riz Mirza and something called the "Circle of Light." Mirza posts a lot of this positive-feeling, light n' love pap on a daily basis, and I usually just skip over his posts without commenting. But the other day I stopped long enough to take in what Mirza was laying down, to my regret. Here it is:

The words will only take you so far if you do not change the feeling inside of you that you are not “complete.” That what you are seeking is what shall set you free instead of what you ARE setting you free. Setting free the inner truth of your Being. You see, life then becomes a search to find the ultimate truth in everything. An exclusive search for an exclusive truth. Who knows it? Which guru? Which book? Which modality? What place on Earth is the most spiritual? It is people who make any place spiritual. Any place becomes spiritual when it is you who surrender to Love."Emmanuel channeled by Riz Mirza at The Circle of Light Red Eagle Ranch, Malibu— with Oriah Mirza.

Darryl Thomas Does the present moment sounds like it holds empty, New Age gibberish?

Riz Mirza Sounds like you already made up your mind about it Darryl. Why even phrase it as a question? The NOW is the present moment in my belief, and I choose to believe in its limitlessness. All beliefs are a choice and I love my choices. They work for me very well!

Darryl Thomas Life is not a "search for ultimate truth." This shows me you do not have much understanding of reality. Life isn't about a "search for truth," because the truth only exist as who you are in any given moment. The key is to understand that seeking knowledge and information are the surest way of becoming ensnared by the chains of enslavement of consciousness. Choose to believe as you wish - if you dare to understand the "truth" of belief is simple - you believe something is true because you say it's true. But it doesn't actually make it true, Riz Mirza.

Riz Mirza It sure does make it true for me and thats all that matters Darryl. Whatever I Believe is true! And I am so happy! Hope you are too!

Darryl Thomas Yeah, you go on, then. Because being happy is the most important thing one can achieve, especially in a world torn apart by self-interest, war, starvation, poverty and violence. Being a guru must be a great gig. I mean, as long as YOU ARE HAPPY - what else matters?

Riz Mirza Nothing else matters except happiness and I do it by loving people. And I go on and on till the break of dawn. It's an awesome gig.



And there you have it. According to Riz Mirza, "nothing else matters except happiness." I reckon he means "nothing else matters than his own personal happiness." All the people destroyed and torn apart from the suffering in life? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Wars, poverty and economic abuse that reduces good people into cheap-clothes producing slaves? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Children dying of starvation and a poisoned environment? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Governments claiming they can't feed the poor but seem to have plenty of money to pay for wars and the destruction of human lives that entails? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. 

And, get this, Riz Mira will "go on and on till the break of dawn." There it is - your Light N Love Burger serving of the day, the worst kind of solipsistic navel-worshipping bullshit masquerading as some kind of philosophical "wisdom." And that this bullshit is "channelled" by something called "Emmanuel" makes it even worse! Really? "Emmanuel?" How original. 

Apparently this "Emmanuel," which actually only a pathetic portion of Riz Mirza's mind that has broken off as a separate personality and talks to other people (a condition that psychiatrists would "multiple personality disorder"), has nothing really enlightening or compelling (or original) to say. What he is saying is the opposite of profundity. "The present moment has everything you need to manifest all that you desire." Is that so? Is manifesting all that I desire the fucking point in anyone's life? Is that the "ultimate truth" in life? Is that the reason why were are here on this wonderful green planet - you know, the only place we have to live... the only place in the universe we can call home, the same home we are all busily turning into a fantastically fetid, ghastly pile of shit? Are you sad and unhappy with yourself? Emmanuel and Riz Mirza says, "Don't worry, be happy!" 

Which is the biggest reason why people have always fallen for the lines that these slick, snake-oil salesmen dressed in fancy white suits lay down. People only care about themselves. And those people are the New Age's BIGGEST CUSTOMERS! I used to go all in within the New Age movement back in the 1980s, but I could never get used to that attitude of the overarching self-importance and pursuit of personal happiness at the expense of everything else that was going wrong in the world. It never made sense to me then, but I learned a long time ago that these light-blinded fools, as exemplified by the vacuous, dishonest and stealthily sinister hogwash put forward by hucksters like Riz Mirza, only care about their own ascended asses. Nobody else matters to them except those that help feed and nurture their despicable arrogance.

If this seems a bit harsh, it's because you do not know how awful these people are. What makes them awful is that they are helping perpetuate the systems of economic enslavement, mental tyranny and a love n light authoritarianism that serves only one purpose - to make these gurus famous and rich without serving any higher purpose. And above all, THEY ARE LYING THEIR ASSES OFF. It's unreal. 

Thanks for reading. I had to get that off of my chest.

The (Former) Seeker

Day 35. Planning

Planning. I like to plan things, especially when there's a great potential for me to have a bunch of fun. Sometimes I become a bit obsessive until I feel a tide of revulsion rising within me - I believe I've considered that point enough!

Lately I have been wondering if such planning is done as a coping mechanism to get away from the present-here, which at the moment is filled with boredom and ennui, It's more interesting in finding the right formula for my plans in every detail. Later I realize that I am obsessing for obsession's sake. Don't know about yours, but my mind will find all kinds of ways to entertain me and keep me occupied within my head. I reckon it's call to plan some things, but I am quite sure I'm taking it too far. And in that, I realize it is taking me from facing self. So clever that mind of mine!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated by my mind's focus on getting me to obsess over certain things that keep me from being here,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind to focus on things rather than what's here. I really don't care for this as my relationship to my mind resembles the master-slave relationship (with you-know-who as the slave).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see time wasted in my day looking up things on the Internet.

I commit myself to be more self-aware when I experience my mind taking over my day. That's what happens and I don't have any time to waste. So I commit myself to carry on and realize that tomorrow never comes. Especially for those who spend too much time planning for it.

Day 34. Living in a Body

Lately I've been wondering what the relationship between "me" (which would be my conscious awareness) and my body. I'm not talking about the mind-body dichotomy in general, I'm talking about my own mind/body specifically. Hang on.

What's been bugging me lately is that I may (no, probably) have gone beyond the point of no return in this body - AKA "awareness of one's mortality." And it's not even fear of death, which would be understandable. It's just an awful realization that not only one's body is ageing, but parts are beginning to creak, rattle and not work as designed. It's planned obsolescence by the Creator.
Interesting the Good Lord created organisms with a ticking time bomb buried inside.  But I don't believe in the Good Lord, anyway. I'm here within an existential reality where nothing or nobody is in charge of this reality. That's why religions exist; to act as a buffer against existential uncertainty - for if God hadn't existed, humanity would have invented Him. Which is what happened.

Being God, of course, means that no deity may be burdened with self-responsibility. It boggles my mind that nobody gets this. Bodies are born, grown, linger and die. I am hopeful that what we see is only part of the cycle while the unseen chthonic part is equalizing or collaborating with some unknown factor as it cycles its way through Creation. I realize that speaking this way is just another way of talking about God and wishing for an "answer." I guess we're all programmed to do this. Amazing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for endlessly creating religions without realizing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself as my body because it seems to be breaking on me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that's not too cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed realizations that I then  don't act on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting at times to give up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because I believe my body is trying to kill me.
I commit myself to continue to stabilize my body, so I won't feel out of place or insignificant.

Day 33. Waiting for Superman

Superman represents invulnerability, fair play, Mom, Apple Pie and the American Way. As such, Superman is all-powerful and always manages to get to the scene in the nick of time. Apparently, nothing can really kill him. The Man of Steel is much like Jesus or a God.

When I say, "Waiting for Superman," I believe the phrase represents something that is nestled deep within the American consciousness. It's like a back door desire that claims "someone or something will come - and you won't have to take responsibility for yourself.

Aw, thanks, Superman. I didn't know you were taking my self-responsibility from me.

There are times in the past (and sometimes in the present, too) where I ask myself, what am I waiting on? What am I waiting for? I have no idea. I must be waiting for an act of God or something to stimulate. But it never comes. I'm still the same, old, me.Waiting for Supermen is pointless because he isn't real. So I'm waiting on myself, Again...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "wait" for something to happen instead of making something happen, or at the very least, perform some act that gets the ball rolling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for Superman instead of realizing that by doing so I am abdicating my self-directive principle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility seriously which leads to getting stuck in a rut for too long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not knowing I was abdicating my self-directive principle.
I commit myself to have a firmer grasp on what giving my self-direction away instead of using it, not for selfish ends, but to benefit of all.
I commit myself to no longer rely on waiting. All waiting does is keep you in a passive state that offers a fantasy that isn't real.

Day 32. Not Finishing What I Start

I have a problem of not being able to finish what I started, whether it be writing, researching or doing chores, I seem to always lose interest in what I am doing, procrastinate or just waling away from the issue. This may turn into another blog tomorrow about being "lazy," but for now, let's stay on this before I stop yet again.

So, not finishing... it's so easy, isn't it. Giving up or putting it off so I can relax in the center of my world. I've become spoiled in my old age. If I don't want to do something, I only have one person who may say something about it, so that's not going to stop me. Doing what I want - and that means being a tiny God in my tiny world - seems to be more important than getting things done that I believe I don't have time to do or want to do. This can only mean that I am not standing equal to my mind/ego's will. Which is unacceptable to me.Because if I allow this, then it means I am unable to change. And the beat goes on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and not fully focus on whatever it is I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-directive principle to my mind which then decides what will happen in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is "okay" to quit on projects or chores before I'm done in order to do nothing and satisfy my mind's ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal with my mind, allowing the mind to win every time without challenge or direction. 

I commit myself to finally break through the wall of not finishing what I start though not allowing the mind to have its way with me. I commit myself to move through the resistances and delays and barriers my mind throws up at me in order to protect itself from fears.

Day 30. Complaining

I hate complainers and I hate complaining even more. Really, the only thing worse about hearing someone complain is hearing myself complain. It makes me feel small and spiteful. Not while I'm complaining, but later after I've calmed down. I usually feel a small twinge of embarrassment. Especially when someone is complaining about your's truly. Then I feel pissed off. Then I ask myself who takes complaining seriously?

So everybody - STOP COMPLAINING! When you do it makes me want to run through a hospital with a Bic Lighter.
But seriously, complaining is a reaction of frustration and blame. And getting over such blaming and complaining takes a tremendous effort (and self-forgiveness). So for all you complainers out there, a simple message for you all: it gets better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having lived my life as anger through complaining. Complaining seems like you're fixing a problem while you're actually only talking. Or thinking. It feels like venting in this way relieves "pressure," but it really only compresses and crystallizes whatever you're complaining about. It's like a flame that burns and never goes out since it is constantly fuelled by emotions, feelings and desires to get even somehow with what I'm complaining about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into complaining instead of breathing and looking at the thing I'm complaining about is really that big of a deal.

I commit myself to stop complaining and not take things that aren't to my liking in a personal way.
I commit myself to stop complaining because I believe I'm helping myself out, because I know that I am not helping myself out.  I'm just blaming and accusing which places me into a timeloop again and again. I stop. I realize finally that it doesn't do me any good.

Day 29. The Citizen

I've had an interesting time as a US  Citizen. I've seen a lot of Shenanigans, to put it ever so lightly, out of my fellow citizens. But let it be known, I was never a proper citizen to be sure. Almost all the training in citizenship is a single class on American Government in your senior year in high school, so by then it is useless to gain any appreciation of the sizeless chasm that yawns between textbook and reality. This is one reason among many why the American Government gets away with so much shit. We as citizens have abdicated our rights to create a Government that reflected the highest ideals of justice and equality. So now we have quite a job to make America worthy of its ideals instead of having to carry this sodden carcass of shame and guilt for what we as citizens have accepted and allowed this country to become; a neoliberal wet dream that faithfully follows Jesus' words,

"Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."

The purveyors of the Bible will claim that this statement only refers to those who refuse to accept the Word of Christ, but Jesus, if he did say something to this effect, must have used the plainest language he could to communicate to the people. Given this view, Jesus is bitterly laying bare the psychology of the human mind, it's insatiable greed, mendacity, and an unholy determination to make others suffer for no reason other than puffing up the little dictator in your mind. And remember, this is the schematic for the neoliberal agenda.

The neoliberal agenda consists of cutting or better, eliminating public services (why?), total deregulation of companies so they can dominate each other, privatize everything that was used for the public good, like roads, libraries, schools. This is what Mitt Romney would have liked to deliver to his country club billionaire gang. But I digress.

The main thing is that we as citizens don't really care about anything beyond our small inconsequential bubble that to us seems like the entire world. We don't care about each other because we believe we don't have the time. I live between two houses and in the two years residing here I do not know either family. We carry masks when we leave our homes and think it's an accomplishment not to have a fucked up day dealing with other people. Ironically, it is within the relationships we form with others that may hold the key, if somehow we could become self-honest with ourselves and then with each other. Be all our sins remembered, as we forgive ourselves, Citizens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not trusted myself with others, and I forgive myself that I have not trusted others around me. It is the fear that is the human condition that drives us all back to our homes where we pray that we are safe and separate from each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and deny my citizenship thinking that such a move would give me "liberty."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to becoming angry with my fellow citizens when they went ape shit celebrating the War in Iraq. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate those who drove in cars with their stupid USA flag decals. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for hating them all and wishing them harm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fellow Americans are the dumbest people in the world. I can't stand that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being impatient and frustrated with Americans due to the fact that they are being led like sheep to the slaughter, and they don't care.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and angry with American leaders, who are in this arena to fatten their pockets along with their friend's pockets while the rest of America (the 99%) can go get fucked.

Therefore, I commit myself to remain critical of American stupidity, but not make it personal.
I commit myself to build stronger relationships with others in my community.
I commit myself to not carry anger and frustration towards my fellow citizens, since equality and oneness starts within each of us before hitting the streets.
I commit myself to stop judgemental back-chats towards other Americans, even when they say or do stupid things.
I commit myself to be more supportive within the political systems so we can change the rest of the systems.
I commit myself to become more tolerant of people who don't share my views.

Day 28. The Metaphysician

I really wasn't much of a metaphysician after the notion hit me. In fact, by virtue of a singular mystical experience that should never have happened to one like me. The "experience" which I never was  able to discern on my own, was a puzzle I couldn't crack. So I turned to the books of the Metaphysician, ancient and modern. Instead of getting to know myself, I wasted years trying in vain to get a handle on one unfathomable experienced that lasted all of 30 seconds. If only I had spent my time gaining common sense instead of looking to others to explain my experiences.

I poured myself into the ocean of wisdom and ancient teachings that offered up a surprising phrase or two, but I didn't notice that those words did nothing to improve my life. I learned far to late that words and sentences alone to not add anything of value in this world. I just felt "a lot more smarter" than anyone else. It's so strange to me now when look back on myself in those days. I thought I had a pretty good wisdom thing going on, but it was just useless junk that floated around in my head. I was a Metaphysician. It was like a club that existed only for me. I secretly wished for some metaphysical intervention, but alas, I was duped. I bought channelling books by the truckload. Can't say that it helped me at all, except to never place my faith in things that reek of deceptions, which was hard to swallow since that shit
sounded reasonable at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for placing value on an experience that was mysterious and an enigma, and that such experiences are important and meaningful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel "special" that something mysterious happened to me thus it was an experience of metaphysics.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to others as sources that gave what I believed in validity.\
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enchanted by New Age balderdash, because I believed they had the same inside poop that I had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that my time as a Metaphysician was of little consequence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had some "special gift."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be duped by my own bubble of knowledge and information. It only led me in circles without getting a hold of why metaphysics has to exist in the first place.

I commit myself to never again fall for the teachings of others who are as in the dark as I am when it comes to metaphysics.
I commit myself to never fall for the fluffy tones of the Metaphysician.
I am ready to find out who I really am, and to prepare myself into the living of self-honesty and common sense.

Day 27. The Rebel

"I'm like the wind. Nobody gets me, baby."

The rebel in me is the rebel you see.

I suppose everyone will rebel against something in their lives. I know I have. It's due to the absurd way that we live, stuck in some positing within a pecking order that is infinite and specific. One always has to be mindful of the authorities. And what makes authority such a potent fear-making machine, but the long arms of authority's reach - into your home, your bedroom, your finances, your job, your "spiritual nature," even?

When I check the history books, I see that the Rebel hasn't generally fared too well when all is said and done. Revolutions are the biggest bust, usually. Look at what's happened to Egypt's "Arab Spring" has wrought. The citizens managed to dislodge a dictator from office after 30-odd years, only to replace him with a dude who just announced he has just given himself dictatorial powers, by a decree - literally a page that someone typed up and gave to the press. This is what the Arab Spring has given Egypt. The latest entry in the book entitled, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

Other types of rebellion follow the same pattern or become an irrelevancy. Case in point; the atheist campaign against religion. Won't do any good. We're going to have to wait for a few more generations to de-religionize this country and the world. Atheists cannot intervene - only people who are hypnotized and mind-controlled by religion can deprogram themselves. Besides, atheists won't hear this either, by they have only created a religion to combat religion. Great job.

I supposed I rebelled against some of the most important systems in this world. Marriage, family, financial... I saw myself as a being that held free will and had to fight against authority to retain it. I didn't realize that my free will wasn't operational. All my actions and "decisions" had their starting point in a reaction to fear. Fear, it turns out, is the engine that drives each and every one of us every step of every day of our lives. I guess I'm rebelling against free will now. I'm laying this down so you can pick up on it. Rebelling for the sake of rebelling isn't going to give you much of a return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the power of rebellion, not realizing that all I was doing was falling into a trap of predictable failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my rebellions would make me happier and a more free person. I know that after all that rebellion that I no better off than before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not checking my starting point for rebelling against what I perceived as authority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rebellion against others made me more "intelligent" than everyone else, because it proved that everyone else were sheep too stupid to realize that they were being used.

I commit myself to dismiss the importance and legitimacy of the concept of "rebellion." It is Fool's Gold." If one's starting point doesn't take everyone into consideration and for the best for all, then any rebellion will be worthless, because the result will not be what is best for all. And what happens then is one gets more of the same, if not worse.

Day 26: The Colleague at Work

 

I've worked my share of dead-end and unrewarding jobs in my life, and since I've started my own business, I've realized that working for a company or other people wasn't all that fun. Or meaningful. Or lucrative. It seems to me now life a series of prison sentences where I was stuck in one place for 8 hours a day having to deal with all kinds of people, most I tried to like, but were often annoying or hideously rude (which is what you get when you work in "customer service."

I always loved that term, "customer service," where one "services" "customers." But rude and clueless customers were only one part of the equation of why I hated so many of those kind of jobs. The other half of my tale of woe belongs to my coworkers.

Ah, my colleagues and managers. There have been some that I became quite fond of, and others that I've thankfully forgotten and others who were just jackasses that I seriously would have liked to kill them.

But you have to work with others. No escaping that. I just wish they were sitting in a cubicle on the other side of the building.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed at people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to get away from some people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge these coworkers for getting in my way and making my job harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the managers who I worked for to be clueless about what went on in their own store.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have "favorites" of who I worked with and others who were not my favorites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that other workers were lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being aloof towards some coworkers I didn't want to get to know me.

I commit myself to not engage in secret mind banter about my coworkers.

I commit myself to not engage in forming secret mind groupings where I place people I like and people I don't like in separate groups.

I commit myself to be more tolerant of stranger I have to work with and not hold judgments about them in my mind.

Day 25 The Cultural Snob

The Cultural Snob as one of my personalities isn't what you may at first glance think of. I'm not of those in the upper classes who look down upon the lower classes. I'm snobbish (tending to look down upon) on people who blindly crow about how wonderful America is.

It's not that I feel American Culture is worthy of praise (it really isn't. American Exceptionalism be damned), or that its values and contributions have made the world a better place (absolutely not), or that its customs and mores are worth duplicating the world over. My kind of cultural snobbishness is my own accumulation of my likes and dislikes which I believe that if everyone shared it, our world would be a much better place.

And to this goes my political snobbishness, which is stridently finding fault with the current power structure. For example, democrats and republicans are useless placeholders of our political system. There is really not that much difference between a conservative and a liberal; they both want to keep the status quo (and the perilous state of the "middle class" at) on indefinite hold.  All the middle class does is act as the buffer between the very poor and the very wealthy. That's always been the role of the "middle class" from Day 1 of this republic.

Economical bearishness causes me to hold my nose when I hear people defend capitalism and its social contract when it is obvious that countries that adopt some kind of socialism enjoy a higher quality of life than good ole America! They bemoan socialism while cheering for social security, corporate welfare, medicare -- but giving American Citizens free health care (like they do in more civilized countries) is one step closer to Armageddon. Idiots.

Cultural snobbishness: what I like in the Arts is the best the Arts have to offer. My favorite painter also happens to be the best painter the world has ever known, in my opinion. snobbishness always comes from opinions, don't they? Plainly put, snobbishness, in its tendency to look down on others and judge them for being slow on the uptake, isn't good for me in my process.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on people who don't live up to my expectations.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on my fellow Americans because they are ignorant and clueless on how they are being used by the same hand that's enslaving us.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to allow this to frustrate me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a snob that has no tolerance of contrary views against what I have considered.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm right and they're wrong.

I commit myself to let go of the snobbery and judgments towards those who disagree with my opinions.
I commit myself to realize thatbeing a snob of any kind is simply not necessary.

Day 24: The Comedian

What is a comedian? Someone who tells jokes or stories in a humorous way. Someone witty and clever. I became a comedian because it kept me sane while growing up in a world that became more ludicrous and absurd the older I got. Absurd = absolute nonsense. The absurdity of life has so impressed human beings that a philosophy, existentialism, was created just to try and make sense out of it. At times my life was full of events so bizarre and preposterous that when tragedy struck again and again, all I could do was laugh about it.

I understood how jokes and comedy worked. Comedy is always based on lies or deceptions that blow back on the instigator in some way. Look at any situation comedy in the history of television and you'll see that what I am saying is valid.

Some of my favorite novels excel at extolling this trait of comedy/ Such as Catch-22. Television shows like Peep Show and Extras. To keep myself from getting beat up so much as a kid, I relied on self-deprecating humor. It worked. But I never really understood why I had to imagine life was an exercise in absurdity. Because everything we do is directed to deceive and divert attention from ourselves. And sometimes, or often, hilarity ensues.

Life is not a joke, however. I believe we can all agree on that. Life can be unimaginably cruel and painful, and there are no laughs to be had for the billions of people who are not able to enjoy themselves with a chuckle.

One time I was staying with a friend who got upset about something... I don't remember, nut may have been something I did. Anyway, I made a joke about it and she said, "Don't do that. You can't interrupt someone's pain with a joke." At first I thought she was being a little too precious, but now, I think she may have had a point. However, having a sense of humor can't be the worst thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perform as a comedian without understanding why I do so,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on using self-deprecating humor in menacing situations instead of just standing up for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the mask of the comedian, as I did so to keep people at arms' length, and so I was engaging in deception.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for using humor sometimes to be the center of attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of my actions when engaging within the personality role of the Comedian.

I commit myself to not employ comedy

Day 23: The Atheist

During my career as a long-standing atheist, amazingly it has just occurred to me that I have probably never changed the mind of one single religionist. Certainly nobody in my family, who no longer speak to me, but that's okay. I'm not missing the acrimony and the obligatory sea of bitter recrimination, thank you.

Atheists, listen to me. You are never going to change the mind of a religionist no matter what you say or how many times you call them "stupid."  It's pointless. And if you go to the atheist reddit dungeon, Christ Almighty, it's simply ridiculous the way the atheists bitch and moan about how stupid Christians, Muslims and Jews are. I get it - the meme  posters can be funny (on both sides) - but it's never going to get the religion out of the person. You might as well pray to an invisible man in the sky, as it will give you the same results. I guys the wise - guys at r/atheism  believe they're doing something without actually... um, doing something.

Well, I used to be the same way, full disclosure. My eyes would light up like a lighthouse beacon on a clear night. Still do. One of my favorite pastimes was to find out that someone was a Christian and attempt to engage them into a border war discussion (always friendly). I thought I was doing them a favor, but it never really produced a "thank you," in any case.

The other arena I found myself relishing the religious debate was of course, on the Internet. I really enjoyed taking the piss out of nitwits who attacked members of Desteni and felt justified in bashing then (always friendly) to pieces on You Tube or wherever. After a while, I got tired of it. If Christians or have been hypnotized by their holy books, so be it. They're hypnotized. I just have to find minds that are a wee bit more open. These folks usually make better conversation anyway.

The best way for atheists to deal with religious people is to leave them alone. Most atheists behave like religionists, anyway - and the funny thing is that they don't see the evangelical nature of meme - ing the Internet to death.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for thinking that Christians were stupid and too dull to realize that they've been duped, as I didn't understand that these people had been assaulted by the mind control devices that are the "holy books" of religion. I realize there's not much that can be done in these people and I commit myself in not doing that anymore.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy engaging in war - like arguments about religion, pitting what I thought was my superior intellect and point of view towards defeating the religious imbeciles. I realize this is counter - productive, and a waste of time, for I will only be seen as a "test" that was sent from God, anyway. So I commit myself to not doing that anymore.

Day 21 What I haven't Seen Part 1

How that I have not been HERE.
I haven't been HERE. I've only been in my mind. Not being HERE is causing a lot of problems. It causes me to miss information, to miss what's being said, causing misunderstandings, irritation and fear, because I don't know what I am doing or saying - just reaction. Not being HERE also causes judgments, avoidance and a lack of self-responibility.

Why is it so hard to BE HERE? It's because I spend so much time in my mind. I know that I shouldn't, but it's like an addiction, where I want to quit, but I can't. Or rather, don't know how to. I know the breath is important, but staying with it feels impossible, because I go into fear because I can't maintain it.

Why is this coming up? Because I need to make money bad so I can pay my bills and someday get back to the farm. And I've been struggling to find a job, and I had a pretty decent shot at one until I "blew it." I didn't pay attention to the map I had made and got lost, missing the interview. The question arose as I drove back home. " Why am I sabotaging myself?"

I apparently missed a few points about working, rendering the earlier self-forgivenes ineffective. It's all related, my "issues." I stop "not listening,"  and take full responsibility for my actions.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present in every single moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe being HERE is not all important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself in not being HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself in NOT being Here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self-forgiveness to this.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not  be fully Be Here, because I don't know how.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a dishonest being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form judgments instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to no fear losing my jog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with not finding a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry that I will never find a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in avoiding being present HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not paying attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for FEARING to pay attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend too much time in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I don't know how top stop being addicted to thinking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because "thinking is easier than breathing."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself because I can't breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of what I am doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of pretending to know what is going on.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding what is HERE by living in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing by breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging breathing as "so hard to do."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as "not good enough" because I can't be with my breath every moment.

Part 2 next

concerned).

Day 20: The Nightmare of the Survivor

I was standing at the counter of my job when someone came up to me and asked how I was doing.

"Surviving," I said. He responded, "Yeah. I know what you mean."

We both knew. everybody knows that surviving through all the thousand natural shocks the flesh is destined to suffer though is the name of the game. Shocks that are ever felt until our last breath. After all, we are all survivors... and live long enough to know we survive... for a brief time.

The unpleasant truth about the human being is two-fold. we all know that we must live an enormous amount of time suffering with the knowledge of a fate that no one can escape, a growth through a slow protracted decline (which paradoxically seems to occur very fast), which ends in death. Life to most of us is survival in suffering unto a great, final erasing from existence. Yet we erected many tough-sounding platitudes to fortify our resolve to that would allow us even get out of bed in the morning such as, "Only the strong survive!" What they really mean is only the strong survive for a while. No mention that the weak suffer too long and hang onto life in what must seem like an unreasonable proposition.

The point that I'm attempting to make in this disjointed, rambling rant is that I'm sick of "surviving." I know you are too. Whether if it is slogging through a shitty job, or a shitty relationship or a shitty life, I know we are all sick and tired of living to survive.There just doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. It seems that living to survive according to how much money you have and surviving to live according to how much money you have is the best idea we can come up with. It isn't. This is. An Equal Money economy. But I understand it's years away. Looks like we'll have to survive a little while longer before this gets done.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that "surviving" is a noble characteristic of the human being. I didn't realize that there is nothing "noble" suffering through a life of hardship for all of us who have nothing or are blocked from having enough to live with dignity and honor. We are all trapped within the jaws of a nightmare for survival, a nightmare that is unfortunately all to real and that nobody cam awake from until we all establish what is best for all, which is equality for all. Yet until that happens, this nightmare will continue devour and torment all until nothing left will remain.

I am grateful that I know have a chance in this life to awaken from this nightmare, grateful that I have something to work towards overturning rather than helplessly standing by and accepting and allowing this horrible dream to continue.