DAY 39 THE SHIT Gurus Say Part 2

And still there's more.

I had another realization upon waking up this morning. The dynamic of the seeking and the search for the "ultimate truth" about life is as old as there have been human being with enough consciousness to wonder what this life is all about. The gurus, more or less, have always said it's to follow their methods or the Gods or a specific religion or "path," or whatever, but recently (well, within the past 150 years or so) a new raison d'être has been offered: to be happy, healthy and goddammit - to feel good! I hear it feels good doing cocaine and heroin and crystal meth - but do it enough and it will kill you.

Is this the crap that passes for "wisdom" these days?  Even a sociopath will feel good about taking advantage of another and feel nothing for any suffering his actions will cause another. People who are religious will "feel good" about their religion and not pay attention or care about their fellow human beings, and will feel good about dropping bombs on them or starve them in order to destroy or convert rival religionists.

Obviously, the "feeling good" bit is a purely sinister piece of garbage that this Light-peddlers push to others to consume. How unfortunate for them that they have no idea that the light they worship and love is something they have no understanding of -  or even the awareness of its vampiric, reptilian nature. How better to control and consume a being's life-force than make it feel good and warm and fuzzy to that being? They will not only love (or notice) that their life-essence is being drained away, they will throw their money at anyone who shows them how to become a willing, unsuspecting victim!

I read this bit this morning, from Creation's Journey to Life:

Consciousness is simply the attempt of the system to understand itself. It‘s the attempt of the Organic Robot as the human trying to understand its point and its purpose within a system. A system within a system attempting to “evolve” into something. It knows there is something. It knows there must be something more, but it can't find it. Because, it's never really looked. 

It’s because the point that you know that is “more” is the point that you don't want to look at. It is the point that takes away all your specialness, it takes away all your fear. It takes away all what you regard you to be, so that what remains; is that which is Equal in Everyone. [1]

You know, this also came up after last night's blog. There was something fascinating to me about the gnostic drama of the Demiurge. The Demiurge in ancient pre-Christian religions was a prideful, inferior being that creates the material world and was frequently identified with the creator God of the Hebrew Bible by pagan sects. His world was flawed because the Creator was flawed, and this explained why the world was so fucked up. This made sense to me, much more than a "good God" creating a flawed and fallen world, as my Christian friends would say. However, there was a point that nobody looks at, and I was among that number.

The Gnostics claimed that there was a "higher" Good God that was "alien" and totally unconnected with this world and that this God somehow - and there are various systems and diagrams and differences of opinion on how this was accomplished - was able to place a secret particle of itself within human beings that it called back to the "Source" of this Good-Alien-God, just as long as you knew the right combination of words or symbols or teacher to follow. This is what we call a back-door. This is what we call self-limitation.

Stay with me. It's a back-door because even this seemingly ingenious model of salvation offers a familiar illusory escape from one's responsibility of having to deal with the world by saying it is "someone else's fault," when all you have is the mind's fiendishly clever acrobatics to escape the hook.

It is self-limitation because nobody ever considers the awful possibility that there is no benevolent Big Daddy watching out for all us poor souls slaughtering and being murdered by each other. It never occurred to me that it was possible that the Light could be the best masquerade for evil ever devised. It never occurred to me to contemplate the ramifications that our universe could be governed by a malevolent force that meant to use us as food. Well, until the first Matrix movie came out. Then I could see it wasn't beyond belief. And when I discovered the Desteni Material, I was able to put 1 + 1 together.

What have we done: 

In the forms and the systems and our expressions we have taken on – we have disregarded Life, and we have made the system, the personality, the ‘spirit-idea’ of everything more than what Life is. 

We have in fact become ‘larger than Life’, and in that has been our demise. 

We have lost our humbleness. We have lost our consideration of each other. We have lost ‘love’ in fact. 

And we’ve made of ‘love’ a definition, an idea, something that we’re attempting to express – but we do not within it consider that it exist in fact within each one as Life. And that Life in consideration of itself within all equally: Is what Love really is. It is within that – which we are One.

[1]http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/08/day-485-end-of-self-awareness-part-3.html#sthash.U4fv7sXf.dpuf

Day 38 The SHIT Gurus Say

I came across this post on facebook by some lightworker guru that goes by the name of Riz Mirza and something called the "Circle of Light." Mirza posts a lot of this positive-feeling, light n' love pap on a daily basis, and I usually just skip over his posts without commenting. But the other day I stopped long enough to take in what Mirza was laying down, to my regret. Here it is:

The words will only take you so far if you do not change the feeling inside of you that you are not “complete.” That what you are seeking is what shall set you free instead of what you ARE setting you free. Setting free the inner truth of your Being. You see, life then becomes a search to find the ultimate truth in everything. An exclusive search for an exclusive truth. Who knows it? Which guru? Which book? Which modality? What place on Earth is the most spiritual? It is people who make any place spiritual. Any place becomes spiritual when it is you who surrender to Love."Emmanuel channeled by Riz Mirza at The Circle of Light Red Eagle Ranch, Malibu— with Oriah Mirza.

Darryl Thomas Does the present moment sounds like it holds empty, New Age gibberish?

Riz Mirza Sounds like you already made up your mind about it Darryl. Why even phrase it as a question? The NOW is the present moment in my belief, and I choose to believe in its limitlessness. All beliefs are a choice and I love my choices. They work for me very well!

Darryl Thomas Life is not a "search for ultimate truth." This shows me you do not have much understanding of reality. Life isn't about a "search for truth," because the truth only exist as who you are in any given moment. The key is to understand that seeking knowledge and information are the surest way of becoming ensnared by the chains of enslavement of consciousness. Choose to believe as you wish - if you dare to understand the "truth" of belief is simple - you believe something is true because you say it's true. But it doesn't actually make it true, Riz Mirza.

Riz Mirza It sure does make it true for me and thats all that matters Darryl. Whatever I Believe is true! And I am so happy! Hope you are too!

Darryl Thomas Yeah, you go on, then. Because being happy is the most important thing one can achieve, especially in a world torn apart by self-interest, war, starvation, poverty and violence. Being a guru must be a great gig. I mean, as long as YOU ARE HAPPY - what else matters?

Riz Mirza Nothing else matters except happiness and I do it by loving people. And I go on and on till the break of dawn. It's an awesome gig.



And there you have it. According to Riz Mirza, "nothing else matters except happiness." I reckon he means "nothing else matters than his own personal happiness." All the people destroyed and torn apart from the suffering in life? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Wars, poverty and economic abuse that reduces good people into cheap-clothes producing slaves? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Children dying of starvation and a poisoned environment? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Governments claiming they can't feed the poor but seem to have plenty of money to pay for wars and the destruction of human lives that entails? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. 

And, get this, Riz Mira will "go on and on till the break of dawn." There it is - your Light N Love Burger serving of the day, the worst kind of solipsistic navel-worshipping bullshit masquerading as some kind of philosophical "wisdom." And that this bullshit is "channelled" by something called "Emmanuel" makes it even worse! Really? "Emmanuel?" How original. 

Apparently this "Emmanuel," which actually only a pathetic portion of Riz Mirza's mind that has broken off as a separate personality and talks to other people (a condition that psychiatrists would "multiple personality disorder"), has nothing really enlightening or compelling (or original) to say. What he is saying is the opposite of profundity. "The present moment has everything you need to manifest all that you desire." Is that so? Is manifesting all that I desire the fucking point in anyone's life? Is that the "ultimate truth" in life? Is that the reason why were are here on this wonderful green planet - you know, the only place we have to live... the only place in the universe we can call home, the same home we are all busily turning into a fantastically fetid, ghastly pile of shit? Are you sad and unhappy with yourself? Emmanuel and Riz Mirza says, "Don't worry, be happy!" 

Which is the biggest reason why people have always fallen for the lines that these slick, snake-oil salesmen dressed in fancy white suits lay down. People only care about themselves. And those people are the New Age's BIGGEST CUSTOMERS! I used to go all in within the New Age movement back in the 1980s, but I could never get used to that attitude of the overarching self-importance and pursuit of personal happiness at the expense of everything else that was going wrong in the world. It never made sense to me then, but I learned a long time ago that these light-blinded fools, as exemplified by the vacuous, dishonest and stealthily sinister hogwash put forward by hucksters like Riz Mirza, only care about their own ascended asses. Nobody else matters to them except those that help feed and nurture their despicable arrogance.

If this seems a bit harsh, it's because you do not know how awful these people are. What makes them awful is that they are helping perpetuate the systems of economic enslavement, mental tyranny and a love n light authoritarianism that serves only one purpose - to make these gurus famous and rich without serving any higher purpose. And above all, THEY ARE LYING THEIR ASSES OFF. It's unreal. 

Thanks for reading. I had to get that off of my chest.

The (Former) Seeker

Day 10: The Substances of Separation

 "But as with Energy that has emerged as the substance of separation within me, because I did not stand with/as my equality and oneness – Money as the World-System has emerged as the manifestation of separation, because we as humanity could not regulate/take directive principles of our relationships with ourselves, each other and this physical existence in working/living together, and so money became the substitute that is controlling/regulating the functioning/existing of humanity as a whole together on this Earth." (Emphasis added) [1]

And here the formulation of the entirety of the Human Condition is succinctly stated, framed and made crystal clear. The alienation, dread, loneliness and the search for meaning and control in this world can all be reduced to a singular condition - separation. To deal with this sense of dreadful separation the fearful minds of human beings created Gods. Then shortly after that - money.


And it was all placed before us by the shamen, priests and philosophers, and later by the elites, scientists and investment bankers, all selling the same snake oil - and we all simply bought it and never questioned it. Hell, I knew something was terribly wrong with this world since my childhood, and I knew the "Spiritual Masters" were not telling us the entire story - but I never imagined how deep the controls really went! "How are going to make others buy into their enslavement?" Answer: print some dollars and tell them they have to buy the right to survive and see what happens - very few will even question it! Oh yes, there have been movements to make the financial racket "more fair" and less absolute, but look - movements like the Marxism, Communism and socialism were co-opted by Capitalism from Day One, and long ago became irrelevant in the matter concerning how human relations should be ideally formed. Social critics like Marx, Emma Goldman and Herbert Marcuse  and even Freud who held various straws of the problems of social oppression between human beings could not have guessed how far they would have to go in their research to get anywhere near the clarity and truthfulness of the quoted passage above. One could scarcely do better in finding a better laid - out schematic on how this world became so fucked up. Don't fall for the baloney from money - chasing New Agers and Celebrity Gurus and other paragons of wisdom, either. To them, the physical world is not real, anyway. The only things that really get them juiced is energy and money. Doesn't matter if most of the followers of New Age-ism don't have any money! They see that as their "Earth-School" opportunity to think and grow rich - content within their own bubble of consciousness while the rest of the world goes to hell. 


As a former Seeker of Truth about the Nature of Reality, I sought answers from what I believed were unorthodox sources. And while I was entertained with looking through these "channeled" material and "spiritual" hogwash, what I ultimately got out of it was an unsatisfying sense of "something missing." But I just couldn't put my finger on it. The entire spiritual construct seemed completely ineffective in stopping (or at the very least, curbing) the daily parade of atrocities and suffering that infect this world. All they offered were warm, fuzzy words and mental experiments where we were promised to have the power to "create our own reality" through the powers of consciousness. But if this was so, why did nothing ever change?


Because the problem is our relationship to consciousness, energy and (wait for it) money. And if one considers that this Holy Trinity of the substances of separation is where we must begin our work in deconstructing the problem of the enslavement of the human race, one must feel that we are finally standing on the firm ground of sanity and an actionable path in finding solutions to our problems. The solution is to first recognize that such substances of separation in fact exist. Too many people need to understand this. But, there are many seekers like myself who can put 1 + 1 together. And now that this truly revolutionary turn in human understanding has finally been made available for the first time, it is only a matter of time before more people attain the same realizations needed to finally place this world in a state of equality and oneness which is our True Substance and Being. Many thanks to Sunette Spies, Bernard Poolman and the rest of the Destonians who are making this material available.




I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself for failing to understand the connection between the energy of consciousness within and the energy of money that I allowed to control my actions and thoughts.
I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself for not recognizing that there exists a separation within the relationships of human beings and within that "gap" flows the blood of the system: money. And it is this blood of the system that I yearned to be baptized in, allowing me to become acceptable in the sight of the system and to myself. 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek after answers in unverifiable sources that promised that "everything will be alright in the end" and that "love and light will one day vanquish evil forever," instead of immediately question why love and light has never accomplished one goddamn thing in existence except deluding people into false beliefs that promise energy, higher consciousness and an escape from consequence.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could find the truth and the truth could "set me free" 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come to the idea that everything in life was "all about money," and feeling incapable of changing anything about how it all worked, especially myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could desire to obtain money and pursuing "higher consciousness" became my "directive principle" in my life. 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with money throughout my life, a pattern that was duplicated/copied and passed down from my family who always struggled with not having enough money.


I commit myself in expanding my realizations about the energetic of consciousness and money and utilize that understanding in showing myself and others the way towards equality and oneness, which is the only solution to the problems that threaten and diminish all.



[1] Heaven's Journey to Life, Day 3

Day 9 The Alluring Illusion of Mental Energy

"I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how Money drives the very Energy of and within my Mind, and thus fuels and defines the nature of my thoughts, internal conversations and reactions of emotions and feelings."[1]

Looking at this dimensional schematic, I am struck at the obviousness of the truth of this sentence of self-forgiveness. The ubiquitous interplay and influence of money upon the energetic development and operation of our minds is nearly impossible to see for one's self unless it is pointed out by another. The energetic patterning and contouring within our multiple personalities - and we have many called up for any situation that presents itself - due to the desire for acquiring money has usurped, or maybe become, our reason to exist. It certainly channels one's thoughts down specific pathways to the point of extinguishing the wonder of Life and replacing it wholesale with a cheap and tawdry imitation based on a conceptual extension of ourselves as money. In the old days, God was the focus of spiritual contemplation. But for a long time now, money has taken God's throne. And it may turn out that the two are most likely the same thing.

"Think and Grow Rich," written by Napoleon Hill and popularized by the movie The Secret and other New Age charlatans was the ultimate statement of intent of the spiritual justification of acquiring wealth by focusing one's mental energetic of the specific goal of acquiring wealth through consistent, conscious focusing on greenbacks. The Americans were always going to be the first at this game as such a stance elevates American Individualism and Exceptionalism to patriotic and spiritual heights. I even bought into the positive-thinking crap to some extent, and when that predictably failed, I continued making my thoughts all about having money, getting money or wanting to get my hands on it in any way possible. "

There isn't anything left wrong with me that money couldn't cure," is a line from a song by the Waitresses that I wholeheartedly agreed with. If only I had enough money to do everything I want... I can't tell you the amount of days I wasted day-dreaming about that one.

So I'm here to say that thanks to the above realization, I am very grateful to have the opportunity to begin dismantling the monument of my energetic mental structures I've created in response to  my obsessive desire over money and the lack of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form obsessive thoughts towards money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form obsessive thoughts towards the lack of money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form obsessive thoughts within my constant daydreaming about money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form obsessive thoughts forming various plans in acquiring money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toform obsessive thoughts towards money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form beliefs about my state of well-being as it is connected to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form judgments over my effectiveness as a human being with the amount of money one has in their bank account.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to covet the objects of what others have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the energetics of money determine which patterns my mind obsesses over, which is money and the things money can buy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience time as being divided in-between paychecks.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toactually believe that there is nothing left wrong with me that money couldn't cure is "true."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a strange, improper and codependent relationship to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become moved by the highs and lows of money coming and flowing out of my life.

I commit myself to change my codependent relationship with money to where I am not influenced by its flow.
I commit myself to change the patterns of thought that have been the expression of self- sabotage where money is concerned.
I commit myself to stop participating in the covetousness  of other people's things.
I commit myself to stop the backchat of daydreaming about acquiring things.
I commit myself to stop measuring my life in the interim between paychecks
I commit myself to adhering to a budget and become more effective with money
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[1] Day 1, Who I Am as Money - Heaven's Journey to Life Blog



Day One Heaven's Journey to Life Blog

Day 8: Betrayal!

"My friends ain't enough for one hand." [1]

This post has taken me over a week to post. I spent (err, wasted) lots of time ruminating over the subject - to make sure I get it just right. But it doesn't seem to be happening for me. But one week is enough and I'm just going to let it out so I can move past this wall of indecision here.

Everyone goes through this. That special event where one is "betrayed" by friends, or those whom once thought of as "friends." The evaporation of trust whether if it manifests in an instant or a long-drawn out growing suspicion has the same effect. One is left wondering how one missed all the signs that were obviously there. For my part I have always felt a moment of disorienting nausea when betrayed by someone. Obviously one can only be betrayed by those one previously trusted. Arthur Miller claimed that betrayal is the "only truth that sticks." Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but the chance of being betrayed by people is one reason why I never got very close to many people. Another way of saying this is that I trust very few. And the more I've been betrayed, the fewer that list gets.

Here's one story about betrayal I don't mind sharing. A couple of close friends of mine promised to put me up at their house for a while until I could get back on my feet. I expected to be there for a month or two but it was only four days before I was told I had to leave and they threw me out on my ass in the middle of a snow-crusted Ohio winter. It was a bit strange to be on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, especially from people I had known for decades. But this is not to say I have been guiltless of betraying others. Far from it, although it would be a close bet on who I've betrayed more, myself or others (I've certainly betrayed myself more times). This would be a lot easier post to write if I concentrated on the numerous ways people have betrayed me. However, such a tack would not lead to self-responsibility but to blaming others and forgetting the pattern that was mine established within self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for establishing the pattern of betrayal within my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that others could "betray" me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a fear of being "betrayed" by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for betraying myself over and over again, whether it was from an idea of self-preservation, survival or self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to betray Life by not living what is best for all at all times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being so indecisive about how to post this blog on betrayal due to doubts and fear I held for not getting the blog "right."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing myself withing indecision of "how" this blog  "should be written." I see now that my indecision was resistance and hiding from what I faced in myself within the subject of betrayal. I didn't want to face or see who I was/am within "being betrayed," betraying myself and betraying others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to posses the required integrity that allowed self-sabotage and betrayal of myself and others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to betray myself as life when I by not following through everything that needs to be followed through. This extends to all parts of my life.

I commit myself to halt this pattern of self-sabotage.
I commit myself to stop betraying myself with irrelevant nonsense.
I commit myself to stop betraying others with irrelevant nonsense.
I commit myself to become worthy of birthing myself into the physical and not be satisfied and distracted by the mental illusions of my mind.

[1] The Fall. "Frenz."_"The Frenz Experiment"_ Beggars Banquet. 1988.

Day 7 The Desire for Special Spiritual Knowledge

Deep into my spirituality years I was quite the seeker of what I thought was rare and obscure metaphysical information that was contained in channeled materials. I didn't follow everything as some of it was evern too goofy for me to swallow. Such as the Course in Miracles, which never failed to put me to sleep with ponderous mumbo-jumbo like this:

"What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of knowledge?" (p. 188)

Actually, this kind of sentiment would have appealed to me, if I hadn't looked deeper at what it really said. In any case, I just couldn't take most of it. Really. "What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of knowledge?" That doesn't even make sense. Knowledge is just a bunch of information that someone acquires. I suppose knowing that fire is hot and ice could comes in handy, but would one really call an agency for the restoration of health? As a metaphor, this type of metaphysical goo stinks, because it doesn't say anything substantial. And that the problem with metaphysics as a whole, especially when it's words coming from the "spiritual realms" where nobody can independently verify anything that has been claimed. What one is left is a clever arrangement of words, words, words purported to descend from "Masters" who work for the benefit of lifting Humanity up from the gross material world to the rarefied spiritual planes.

However, during my time as a spiritual Seeker, I was into channeled material big time. My favorites were Jane Roberts' Seth Material and the Messages from Michael. I read a bit of Kyron and Ramtha, but they didn't tickle my knowledge bone, and plus I didn't trust what was coming from Ramtha and suspected him to be a fake. The Seth Material was ultimately my cup of tea. I fell into it through searching for the meaning of a White Light experience that had recently occurred in my life and what the Seth Material spoke of seemed to fit perfectly. Neale Donald Walsch was also on my radar, but the more I read of his Conversations with God, the more I began to see nothing within that series was actually of any substance. Try applying those precepts. They simply don't work.

What I didn't understand or even ask myself was where did my desire for knowledge come from? I did have the sense that what I was looking for was some kind of direction, but never did I question (until many years later) whether such a yearning could have been used as a means of control. This only became apparent when I chose to step outside of what I perceived to be control: instead of experiencing freedom and clarity, bad things always happened to me. But I saw that bad things never seemed to happen to those who profited from obviously evil, pathological acts like the war-mongers and the super elites. I always seemed to lose more and more the further I tried to live whatever special spiritual knowledge I had acquired.  So have many other well-meaning humans throughout time. And we got nothing out of it. Even those who did, like Mother Teresa, was ultimately left with such oppressive doubts of God's power on Earth to the point where she even stopped praying. At least she had sense enough to question her faith. Over the years my faith in special spiritual knowledge began to erode with a greater understanding on how little impact it had in the affairs of the world. Perhaps if we amended the above ACIM quote to read:


"What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of common sense?"

 we could finally begin to see the scales faith and know fall from our eyes. But being the well-conditioned, self-perpetuating delusional robots people have always been, we won't drop their faiths and beliefs willingly or without much pain and suffering, which is unnecessary and inevitable. We do not know how to direct ourselves via common sense because we have forever relied on being directed by whatever knowledge or opinion strikes fancy in our ear. In order to appreciate the simplicity of the healing powers of common sense, we first have to acknowledge that what we have relied upon does not work for the best of all. It sure as hell doesn't work for most of us! Doesn't that appear to be a problem? The search for spiritual knowledge is the beginning of deception. Just ask Mother Teresa.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entertain the belief that I could attain some sort of freedom through the access of special spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that special spiritual knowledge could change the world for the better and not understanding that no beliefs can ever change the world for the better for everyone, only common sense action within the living principle of equality can do so.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my accessing special spiritual knowledge would be enough to change my life for the better, and not realizing that this was a desire based on self-interest alone and not of any benefit for anyone else.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question whether the search for special spiritual knowledge was something I directed on my own or was implanted in my head through acceptance of so-called spiritual knowledge from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with special spiritual knowledge I received through various books I read.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with special spiritual knowledge I received through channeled material from so-called "spiritual masters" and authors.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "special" within my presumed understanding of special spiritual knowledge, as if I had grasped the Key to Life while others remained in the ignorance of their childish beliefs.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that if I only rely on special spiritual knowledge as my methodology to deal with the world, the knowledge only exists in my mind and is useless without taking all into consideration, and further, without action, such knowledge by itself, is the height of the self-deception of consciousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that consciousness is superior to the physical.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my search for special spiritual knowledge was a program that I had activated and not self-directed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that knowledge gained through consciousness was superior to ordinary spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that my consciousness was equipped to discern between real special spiritual knowledge and phony special spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a pattern of acquiring special spiritual knowledge as a way to feel good about myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was superior to others by virtue of having special spiritual knowledge and they didn't.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself as "stupid" and "manipulated" when I realized that my search for special spiritual knowledge was fruitless vanity.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as my search for special spiritual knowledge progressed, the less effective I became in directing my life.

I am grateful (eternally) that when I had finally put away my search for special spiritual knowledge I encountered the Desteni Material almost immediately. Never again will I succumb to White Light propaganda or religious belief systems, as they have proven to be utterly useless in addressing anything of relevance. I read the damn material and I saw what was missing: even though my heart was firmly with those who suffer and are without hope, I did not recognize my own self-interest within all things and I sure as hell didn't appreciate the extent of  my responsibility to all. This is why the Desteni Material is different. It embraces everything that special spiritual knowledge has ever rejected: what is Here in Oneness and Equality