Day 45: The Desteni of Living - My Commitment of Principle

Wherein I commit myself to Living, Investigating and Implementing these Principles into my Daily Living -  if not already, as a Living Commitment to giving myself the Gift of Life and to be a Living Example of Standing as Principles.



1. Realising and living my utmost potential.

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa.

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others.

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others.

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well.

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own.

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me.

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.
 
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone.

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today.

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves.

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one.

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come.

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth.

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world. 

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner self/ being becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realizing it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath.

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me.

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realize this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without.

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all.

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth.

Day 42: Selling Scared

How can it be that one day I was completely stoked into getting to the store and selling shit at Big Boxco and experience a great, satisfying day and the next day I worry and fret about performing the exact same actions and proceed to lay one flat, uninspired gigantic egg? Well, it happened and let me share how that came to be and how I was able to understand what happened in my process in order to self-correct myself when I see myself repeating the steps that led me down that road.

Generally, I’d been feeling really good about my performance so far throughout this cycle. I feel I’ve been consistent and able to bring everything I’ve learned previously in sales and apply the new systems I am integrating into the mix. I’m having fun even though it is hard work. I look forward getting to the office to learn new things every day. I can’t think of a “job” that I’ve ever felt that way about.

This past Monday I was so sure I was going to get those numbers I was looking for and I had a ton of energy going in and I connected well with everyone I spoke to. It feels like I’m in a flow and everything clicks.

But afterwards, I felt a little worried about the next day, Christmas Eve. I had three flavors of the four pizzas left to offer, and I only had a few packs left of the one that people seemed to like. I allowed doubts and questions to creep into my mind how I was going to be able to get through the day selling two of the less desirable flavors.

I resolved to go out on the next day and make it great for myself and the club members, anyway.

The morning started promising. I dropped a bundle as I was setting up my table. I felt silly for allowing pointless worries to dampen my attitude. There was only one other vendor working a sample station and I thought I had it made!

But for reasons that weren’t readily apparent to me, people seemed slow to pick up anything from the table. The little dude in the back of my head began to track the clock and calculate how many units I’d have to catch up with in order to reach my goal. The deeper I got into the day, the more I felt that I was fighting a losing battle against time. I stubbornly relied on my training and on the systems I’d been taught, with no appreciable difference. I was caught in the horns of a dilemma - and I know myself well enough to understand that some time would have to pass after I walked through this point to apply effective self-analysis and learn from it.

And it came to me after I left a message for my team leader. The last thing I said was I didn’t have that connection with the people I normally had and in a second after I spoke it, I realized why. I was flat and had a crappy experience because I was... wait for it... afraid to sell what I had. And even though I told myself that I was going to have a super-duper day and would be swinging for the fences, that fear only became submerged and repressed. Those thoughts, fears and doubts directly influenced my energy level and my connection with the people.

This is an experience I’m sure everyone can relate to, and I am sure fears will pop up again. I understood it before, but now I have a clearer understanding of why protecting your attitude is so important. In a job where so much depends on one’s mental health in order to be a success, allowing doubts and fears to invade your mind is the quickest way to have a miserable day in sales. And what makes it even more crucial to understand is that those doubts and fears were all in my head! They weren’t even real! They were just ideas I had about some imagined scenario in imagined future outcomes that took me off-course and out of the present moment, which left me unable to be effective in that moment --- because I was believing the story I was imagining in my mind instead of being totally present in my reality and having fun with it as I usually do.

So, in order to release those suppressed fears and doubts for good, I forgave myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience fears and doubts to become my experience that prevented me from connecting with people and reaching the goals I set for myself. I let myself off the hook. And I’m glad I went through it because I now better understand the points within myself I need to focus and strengthen. And that’s cool.

Day 41. Energy or Stability?

I was sitting in a group of people who were discussing the Law of Attraction, energy and positive thinking. There were a lot of perspectives being bandied about and while such talk usually ends up boring me, thankfully the conversation turned a corner and someone related the very brief story of the bamboo tree. To grow a bamboo tree, one has to water for what looks like a whisper of a sprout for years and years. One needs to attend to this sprout consistently, attending to water it every day for years. I don't know if this last bit is true, but after 7 years the bamboo suddenly shoots up to a hundred feet tall, or whatever. I don't know anything about bamboo. They do seem to grow very high, though.

I liked this story so much better, however. Firstly, it was instructive in how one doesn't need energy to achieve an outcome. Patient, consistent action and a will that doesn't give up. A recognition that you can't sidestep or shortcut the programming of a bamboo plant also requires no energy. Is it possible that energy isn't as vital as an ingredient to manifesting what you want as it is believed by some?

As I rolled that over in my mind it occurred to me that all my failures in my life came about due to my reactive mental state, emotional instability or just plain giving up. In relationships I must admit in falling on all three points simultaneously. Often. They aren't joking: hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I had only realized how much I was about to lose by falling into emotional, reactive states which I thought, bizarrely, would somehow get me out of trouble. Looking back, it's hilariously funny now that getting out of trouble was never in the cards for me. Giving into emotions, desires, energy and giving up always seemed to leave me worse for wear. It was unfortunate that I couldn't tell the difference or read the moment when it was really time to give up and when it was time to let go. If I instead remained stable throughout the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I could have benefited from better decision-making. I could have saved myself and the people around me from having to deal with loads of unnecessary shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captivated and carried away through energetics of feelings and emotions - I didn't understand the nature of energetics nor considered that they may not be beneficial to me or others in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy myself and others through misuse of energy and unclear thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider patient stability in dealing with my problems and within my relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly look for shortcuts to reach my goals. This was done out of an inability to slow down and patiently apply myself effectively to the task at hand.

I commit myself to exist with consistent, patient action that brings about the result I'm looking for rather than focusing energy of achieving completion of a goal.

Day 38 The SHIT Gurus Say

I came across this post on facebook by some lightworker guru that goes by the name of Riz Mirza and something called the "Circle of Light." Mirza posts a lot of this positive-feeling, light n' love pap on a daily basis, and I usually just skip over his posts without commenting. But the other day I stopped long enough to take in what Mirza was laying down, to my regret. Here it is:

The words will only take you so far if you do not change the feeling inside of you that you are not “complete.” That what you are seeking is what shall set you free instead of what you ARE setting you free. Setting free the inner truth of your Being. You see, life then becomes a search to find the ultimate truth in everything. An exclusive search for an exclusive truth. Who knows it? Which guru? Which book? Which modality? What place on Earth is the most spiritual? It is people who make any place spiritual. Any place becomes spiritual when it is you who surrender to Love."Emmanuel channeled by Riz Mirza at The Circle of Light Red Eagle Ranch, Malibu— with Oriah Mirza.

Darryl Thomas Does the present moment sounds like it holds empty, New Age gibberish?

Riz Mirza Sounds like you already made up your mind about it Darryl. Why even phrase it as a question? The NOW is the present moment in my belief, and I choose to believe in its limitlessness. All beliefs are a choice and I love my choices. They work for me very well!

Darryl Thomas Life is not a "search for ultimate truth." This shows me you do not have much understanding of reality. Life isn't about a "search for truth," because the truth only exist as who you are in any given moment. The key is to understand that seeking knowledge and information are the surest way of becoming ensnared by the chains of enslavement of consciousness. Choose to believe as you wish - if you dare to understand the "truth" of belief is simple - you believe something is true because you say it's true. But it doesn't actually make it true, Riz Mirza.

Riz Mirza It sure does make it true for me and thats all that matters Darryl. Whatever I Believe is true! And I am so happy! Hope you are too!

Darryl Thomas Yeah, you go on, then. Because being happy is the most important thing one can achieve, especially in a world torn apart by self-interest, war, starvation, poverty and violence. Being a guru must be a great gig. I mean, as long as YOU ARE HAPPY - what else matters?

Riz Mirza Nothing else matters except happiness and I do it by loving people. And I go on and on till the break of dawn. It's an awesome gig.



And there you have it. According to Riz Mirza, "nothing else matters except happiness." I reckon he means "nothing else matters than his own personal happiness." All the people destroyed and torn apart from the suffering in life? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Wars, poverty and economic abuse that reduces good people into cheap-clothes producing slaves? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Children dying of starvation and a poisoned environment? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. Governments claiming they can't feed the poor but seem to have plenty of money to pay for wars and the destruction of human lives that entails? Nothing else matters than his own personal happiness. 

And, get this, Riz Mira will "go on and on till the break of dawn." There it is - your Light N Love Burger serving of the day, the worst kind of solipsistic navel-worshipping bullshit masquerading as some kind of philosophical "wisdom." And that this bullshit is "channelled" by something called "Emmanuel" makes it even worse! Really? "Emmanuel?" How original. 

Apparently this "Emmanuel," which actually only a pathetic portion of Riz Mirza's mind that has broken off as a separate personality and talks to other people (a condition that psychiatrists would "multiple personality disorder"), has nothing really enlightening or compelling (or original) to say. What he is saying is the opposite of profundity. "The present moment has everything you need to manifest all that you desire." Is that so? Is manifesting all that I desire the fucking point in anyone's life? Is that the "ultimate truth" in life? Is that the reason why were are here on this wonderful green planet - you know, the only place we have to live... the only place in the universe we can call home, the same home we are all busily turning into a fantastically fetid, ghastly pile of shit? Are you sad and unhappy with yourself? Emmanuel and Riz Mirza says, "Don't worry, be happy!" 

Which is the biggest reason why people have always fallen for the lines that these slick, snake-oil salesmen dressed in fancy white suits lay down. People only care about themselves. And those people are the New Age's BIGGEST CUSTOMERS! I used to go all in within the New Age movement back in the 1980s, but I could never get used to that attitude of the overarching self-importance and pursuit of personal happiness at the expense of everything else that was going wrong in the world. It never made sense to me then, but I learned a long time ago that these light-blinded fools, as exemplified by the vacuous, dishonest and stealthily sinister hogwash put forward by hucksters like Riz Mirza, only care about their own ascended asses. Nobody else matters to them except those that help feed and nurture their despicable arrogance.

If this seems a bit harsh, it's because you do not know how awful these people are. What makes them awful is that they are helping perpetuate the systems of economic enslavement, mental tyranny and a love n light authoritarianism that serves only one purpose - to make these gurus famous and rich without serving any higher purpose. And above all, THEY ARE LYING THEIR ASSES OFF. It's unreal. 

Thanks for reading. I had to get that off of my chest.

The (Former) Seeker

Day 35. Planning

Planning. I like to plan things, especially when there's a great potential for me to have a bunch of fun. Sometimes I become a bit obsessive until I feel a tide of revulsion rising within me - I believe I've considered that point enough!

Lately I have been wondering if such planning is done as a coping mechanism to get away from the present-here, which at the moment is filled with boredom and ennui, It's more interesting in finding the right formula for my plans in every detail. Later I realize that I am obsessing for obsession's sake. Don't know about yours, but my mind will find all kinds of ways to entertain me and keep me occupied within my head. I reckon it's call to plan some things, but I am quite sure I'm taking it too far. And in that, I realize it is taking me from facing self. So clever that mind of mine!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated by my mind's focus on getting me to obsess over certain things that keep me from being here,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind to focus on things rather than what's here. I really don't care for this as my relationship to my mind resembles the master-slave relationship (with you-know-who as the slave).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see time wasted in my day looking up things on the Internet.

I commit myself to be more self-aware when I experience my mind taking over my day. That's what happens and I don't have any time to waste. So I commit myself to carry on and realize that tomorrow never comes. Especially for those who spend too much time planning for it.

Day 33. Waiting for Superman

Superman represents invulnerability, fair play, Mom, Apple Pie and the American Way. As such, Superman is all-powerful and always manages to get to the scene in the nick of time. Apparently, nothing can really kill him. The Man of Steel is much like Jesus or a God.

When I say, "Waiting for Superman," I believe the phrase represents something that is nestled deep within the American consciousness. It's like a back door desire that claims "someone or something will come - and you won't have to take responsibility for yourself.

Aw, thanks, Superman. I didn't know you were taking my self-responsibility from me.

There are times in the past (and sometimes in the present, too) where I ask myself, what am I waiting on? What am I waiting for? I have no idea. I must be waiting for an act of God or something to stimulate. But it never comes. I'm still the same, old, me.Waiting for Supermen is pointless because he isn't real. So I'm waiting on myself, Again...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "wait" for something to happen instead of making something happen, or at the very least, perform some act that gets the ball rolling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for Superman instead of realizing that by doing so I am abdicating my self-directive principle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility seriously which leads to getting stuck in a rut for too long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not knowing I was abdicating my self-directive principle.
I commit myself to have a firmer grasp on what giving my self-direction away instead of using it, not for selfish ends, but to benefit of all.
I commit myself to no longer rely on waiting. All waiting does is keep you in a passive state that offers a fantasy that isn't real.

Day 32. Not Finishing What I Start

I have a problem of not being able to finish what I started, whether it be writing, researching or doing chores, I seem to always lose interest in what I am doing, procrastinate or just waling away from the issue. This may turn into another blog tomorrow about being "lazy," but for now, let's stay on this before I stop yet again.

So, not finishing... it's so easy, isn't it. Giving up or putting it off so I can relax in the center of my world. I've become spoiled in my old age. If I don't want to do something, I only have one person who may say something about it, so that's not going to stop me. Doing what I want - and that means being a tiny God in my tiny world - seems to be more important than getting things done that I believe I don't have time to do or want to do. This can only mean that I am not standing equal to my mind/ego's will. Which is unacceptable to me.Because if I allow this, then it means I am unable to change. And the beat goes on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and not fully focus on whatever it is I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-directive principle to my mind which then decides what will happen in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is "okay" to quit on projects or chores before I'm done in order to do nothing and satisfy my mind's ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal with my mind, allowing the mind to win every time without challenge or direction. 

I commit myself to finally break through the wall of not finishing what I start though not allowing the mind to have its way with me. I commit myself to move through the resistances and delays and barriers my mind throws up at me in order to protect itself from fears.

Day 26: The Colleague at Work

 

I've worked my share of dead-end and unrewarding jobs in my life, and since I've started my own business, I've realized that working for a company or other people wasn't all that fun. Or meaningful. Or lucrative. It seems to me now life a series of prison sentences where I was stuck in one place for 8 hours a day having to deal with all kinds of people, most I tried to like, but were often annoying or hideously rude (which is what you get when you work in "customer service."

I always loved that term, "customer service," where one "services" "customers." But rude and clueless customers were only one part of the equation of why I hated so many of those kind of jobs. The other half of my tale of woe belongs to my coworkers.

Ah, my colleagues and managers. There have been some that I became quite fond of, and others that I've thankfully forgotten and others who were just jackasses that I seriously would have liked to kill them.

But you have to work with others. No escaping that. I just wish they were sitting in a cubicle on the other side of the building.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed at people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to get away from some people I worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge these coworkers for getting in my way and making my job harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the managers who I worked for to be clueless about what went on in their own store.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have "favorites" of who I worked with and others who were not my favorites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that other workers were lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being aloof towards some coworkers I didn't want to get to know me.

I commit myself to not engage in secret mind banter about my coworkers.

I commit myself to not engage in forming secret mind groupings where I place people I like and people I don't like in separate groups.

I commit myself to be more tolerant of stranger I have to work with and not hold judgments about them in my mind.

Day 25 The Cultural Snob

The Cultural Snob as one of my personalities isn't what you may at first glance think of. I'm not of those in the upper classes who look down upon the lower classes. I'm snobbish (tending to look down upon) on people who blindly crow about how wonderful America is.

It's not that I feel American Culture is worthy of praise (it really isn't. American Exceptionalism be damned), or that its values and contributions have made the world a better place (absolutely not), or that its customs and mores are worth duplicating the world over. My kind of cultural snobbishness is my own accumulation of my likes and dislikes which I believe that if everyone shared it, our world would be a much better place.

And to this goes my political snobbishness, which is stridently finding fault with the current power structure. For example, democrats and republicans are useless placeholders of our political system. There is really not that much difference between a conservative and a liberal; they both want to keep the status quo (and the perilous state of the "middle class" at) on indefinite hold.  All the middle class does is act as the buffer between the very poor and the very wealthy. That's always been the role of the "middle class" from Day 1 of this republic.

Economical bearishness causes me to hold my nose when I hear people defend capitalism and its social contract when it is obvious that countries that adopt some kind of socialism enjoy a higher quality of life than good ole America! They bemoan socialism while cheering for social security, corporate welfare, medicare -- but giving American Citizens free health care (like they do in more civilized countries) is one step closer to Armageddon. Idiots.

Cultural snobbishness: what I like in the Arts is the best the Arts have to offer. My favorite painter also happens to be the best painter the world has ever known, in my opinion. snobbishness always comes from opinions, don't they? Plainly put, snobbishness, in its tendency to look down on others and judge them for being slow on the uptake, isn't good for me in my process.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on people who don't live up to my expectations.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look down on my fellow Americans because they are ignorant and clueless on how they are being used by the same hand that's enslaving us.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to allow this to frustrate me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a snob that has no tolerance of contrary views against what I have considered.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm right and they're wrong.

I commit myself to let go of the snobbery and judgments towards those who disagree with my opinions.
I commit myself to realize thatbeing a snob of any kind is simply not necessary.

Day 24: The Comedian

What is a comedian? Someone who tells jokes or stories in a humorous way. Someone witty and clever. I became a comedian because it kept me sane while growing up in a world that became more ludicrous and absurd the older I got. Absurd = absolute nonsense. The absurdity of life has so impressed human beings that a philosophy, existentialism, was created just to try and make sense out of it. At times my life was full of events so bizarre and preposterous that when tragedy struck again and again, all I could do was laugh about it.

I understood how jokes and comedy worked. Comedy is always based on lies or deceptions that blow back on the instigator in some way. Look at any situation comedy in the history of television and you'll see that what I am saying is valid.

Some of my favorite novels excel at extolling this trait of comedy/ Such as Catch-22. Television shows like Peep Show and Extras. To keep myself from getting beat up so much as a kid, I relied on self-deprecating humor. It worked. But I never really understood why I had to imagine life was an exercise in absurdity. Because everything we do is directed to deceive and divert attention from ourselves. And sometimes, or often, hilarity ensues.

Life is not a joke, however. I believe we can all agree on that. Life can be unimaginably cruel and painful, and there are no laughs to be had for the billions of people who are not able to enjoy themselves with a chuckle.

One time I was staying with a friend who got upset about something... I don't remember, nut may have been something I did. Anyway, I made a joke about it and she said, "Don't do that. You can't interrupt someone's pain with a joke." At first I thought she was being a little too precious, but now, I think she may have had a point. However, having a sense of humor can't be the worst thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perform as a comedian without understanding why I do so,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on using self-deprecating humor in menacing situations instead of just standing up for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the mask of the comedian, as I did so to keep people at arms' length, and so I was engaging in deception.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for using humor sometimes to be the center of attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of my actions when engaging within the personality role of the Comedian.

I commit myself to not employ comedy

Day 21 What I haven't Seen Part 1

How that I have not been HERE.
I haven't been HERE. I've only been in my mind. Not being HERE is causing a lot of problems. It causes me to miss information, to miss what's being said, causing misunderstandings, irritation and fear, because I don't know what I am doing or saying - just reaction. Not being HERE also causes judgments, avoidance and a lack of self-responibility.

Why is it so hard to BE HERE? It's because I spend so much time in my mind. I know that I shouldn't, but it's like an addiction, where I want to quit, but I can't. Or rather, don't know how to. I know the breath is important, but staying with it feels impossible, because I go into fear because I can't maintain it.

Why is this coming up? Because I need to make money bad so I can pay my bills and someday get back to the farm. And I've been struggling to find a job, and I had a pretty decent shot at one until I "blew it." I didn't pay attention to the map I had made and got lost, missing the interview. The question arose as I drove back home. " Why am I sabotaging myself?"

I apparently missed a few points about working, rendering the earlier self-forgivenes ineffective. It's all related, my "issues." I stop "not listening,"  and take full responsibility for my actions.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present in every single moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe being HERE is not all important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself in not being HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself in NOT being Here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self-forgiveness to this.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not  be fully Be Here, because I don't know how.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a dishonest being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form judgments instead of listening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to no fear losing my jog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with not finding a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry that I will never find a job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in avoiding being present HERE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not paying attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for FEARING to pay attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend too much time in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I don't know how top stop being addicted to thinking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because "thinking is easier than breathing."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself because I can't breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of what I am doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being aware of pretending to know what is going on.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding what is HERE by living in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing by breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging breathing as "so hard to do."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as "not good enough" because I can't be with my breath every moment.

Part 2 next

concerned).

Day 18: The Snob

"Eminence front - It's a put on."

According to some dictionaries, a snob is someone who believes that they are superior to others in taste and class, although the prime ingredient to be a snob is a self-importance that is offensively arrogant and annoying. And since I have experienced everyone in my life at one time or another to be arrogant and annoying, I feel that I am somewhat of an expert in bringing this character up for discussion.

Yes, I have been quite a snob in my life, usually  about things that I believe to be the most important of matters. Style, books, politics, art, music. Especially music. Don't get me started on music, because it would be my immense pleasure to inform you of the two types of music in this world: the music I like - which is genius, and the childish crap you like, and the only difference between us is that I have taste. This is what makes me a snob.

Oh yeah, and your politics? More boring than reading Ayn Rand. I despise Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Tea-Baggers, Libertarians (especially so), anarchists, Communists, Socialists, whatever... They all represent the status quo and they all do more harm than good. None of them act in the best interests of the people anyway, so don't pretend that your political affiliation is worth bragging about because it isn't.

Movies? The ones I like are the ones you should like. Don't bother showing me your favorite movies or television shows because they are most likely crap. By virtue of my wonderfully impeccable taste  in all things of art and culture, allow me to bestow upon you my favorites, as I already know you will extremely impressed with my erudite sense of style, fashion, taste and opinion. And if you aren't, it's only because you're a half-wit.

But what makes my snobby character so interesting is that it all my motivations for impressing others with my ideas, thoughts and opinions are based on a multitude of fears. Fears of inadequacies, failures, secrets, hidden shames. It took me a long time to realize this, but the tougher the talk the more insecure that person really is. Obvious so, isn't it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as "better than" others simply because they don't agree with my perspectives and opinions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others are not as smart as me because their glaring imperfections of their thoughts has blinded them to the obvious errors of their judgments and tastes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are stupid, ignorant sheep who don't know their ass from a shovel and dumber than a sack of rocks.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for being really stupid and brainwashed by the cultural taste makers and media pundits.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the cultural taste-makers and  pundits for being so good at their job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking to myself that people are hopelessly misled by forces beyond their reckoning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain thoughts that say that "this person is an idiot."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed over the fact that people won't "get it," that is, recognize what is happening around them, until it is waaay too late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically drained after entertaining snobbish thoughts during my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for reacting in anger when I see or read something that is so patently and metaphysically wrong - usually in relation to people or a group of people being abused in an atrocious way, with the exasperated astonished thought being broadcast as, "How in the world is that allowed to happen?"
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of holding the thoughts of snobbery, because nothing comes from snobbery except more separation - which is not a great thing.
I commit myself to end all manifestations of snobbery within my thoughts, words and deeds, and I understand it will be difficult, since I've been a practicing snob for many decades now. But I now understand that nothing useful comes out of producing more separation, which is exactly what snobbery does. Time to stop and get over it.

Day 17: The Liar

The Liar. Have you met me? Have you met yourself?

The act of lying attempts to assuage the fear of what the liar unquestionably knows. The Liar lives with an ubiquitous fear of the truth of themselves.

When I lie, it is because I fear expressing the truth of myself. I may not be understood or accepted without the lies. Lying makes the fear of ourselves and others easier to tolerate. As liars, we make sport of beliefs by transforming what we know and don't know into another version of reality. We all need lies to make ourselves look better, sound better, appear better than the truth allows. And since the truth allows deceit, so much the better for us liars.

When I lie, it's done to cover up something that I said or did that I don't want you to know about because I need to look good for those I care about looking good for. Otherwise, the fear of a diminishment of stature rises within me, which needs to be quelled and silenced.

Besides, I'm sure you have noticed how much easier it is to lie than to tell the truth. Lying is second nature to most of us. The Lying Character was born from the memory of being burned (or threatened of being burned)  by the truth. The fear of the Truth may very well be one of the biggest fears within the human being.

Another factor of why we are such great liars is due to motivation. We have all seen others commit acts which lack integrity and foster greed, which seems to allow us all to copy these patterns of dishonest behavior. And it is all due to our inability to post up against the million faces of fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to submit to and take upon the mantle of the Liar.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences without the benefit of lies.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deceive others with my lies, not realizing that I was only ever deceiving myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find more comfort in telling lies than in telling the truth, especially about the truth of myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the character of the Liar as a coping tool against existential uncertainty and memories of suffering for the truth.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can "get away with lying," without realizing that nobody ever gets away with lying.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to know that I am self-dishonest yet also believe that I am a "good person," which is living one ginormous paradox.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie and cheat and still believe that I'm a good person.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to equate "success" with "never being caught in a lie."
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to equate "never being caught in a lie," with "cleverness."
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the Liar character in order to present a false picture presentation to others because I feared that presenting who I really am was insufficient.

I commit myself to not utilize the Liar Character in order to make myself more acceptable to others. Because what does that really mean? For others to have a more "favorable" opinion of who I am? People who don't even know me in the first place? It's simply an exercise in ego-building for me to manipulate people to have a favorable opinion of me. Useless. Irrelevant. Meaningless. Because what good does someone's opinion about me matter in this world. Not a whole hell of a lot.
I commit myself to not equate lying with cleverness. It isn't clever. It's stupid. When one is engaged with lying, one is engaging with creating a separation based on fear. It's a path to nowhere.
I commit myself to work on decreasing the amount of lies I tell every day and to grow in being more comfortable and open with others. 90-95% of the lies I tell are probably unnecessary, anyway. And 100% of my lies are based on fears. So by reducing the lies in my life I also reduce the fears, which to me is time well spent.
I commit myself to become more self-honest.

Day 15. The Bookworm

"Discontinue sagacity, discard knowledge
The people benefit a hundred-fold."
LaoTse


"All the philosophies in the world can't compare to a single physical atom."
Bernard Poolman




I've always enjoyed reading and having a collection of books to support my quest for gaining knowledge and information. For some reason I never experienced any difficulty with reading. My books, my knowledge and my information were crucial in creating and gaining my perspectives in relation to this world. Early in my life I was instilled  with the belief that knowledge and information were the touchstones of our reality. Apparently, people who lived before me had thought great thoughts which were written down, which in fact had initiated and sustained human evolution. My favorite place to be on earth when I was a child was within the marble and sandstone structure called the library.

Now, why would I be spend time talking about something as innocuous as reading as a patterned point to take on? The point is this: The pattern become very dominant in most of my characters and it entailed reading, reflecting, memorizing details and comparing it to my own perspective. Filling my consciousness with knowledge to me seemed like filling my lungs with air.

People who are familiar with the Desteni Process are also familiar about the parasitic nature of the mind consciousness system. The mind consciousness system is not understood by scientists of the mind and consists of the downloaded info passed down through genetics and through the thoughts and knowledge gained by participating within the world. Everyone has built up various personalities and characters that reflect and to cope with the various memories, parental, social and environmental influences that rain down on us daily. For myself, I've used intelligence, vocabulary, memory, reading and writing to support my world-view and mindset. With these I built up a knowledge and information fortress comprised of the pages of books and magazines which gifted me with my personal perspective of the world - which for a lifetime, I considered "correct." It wasn't until I met and studied with Bernard Poolman that it was revealed to me that my knowledge base that I was so proud of made very precious for myself was essentially a religion. And of course, a religion is nothing more than an organized system of beliefs that is used to control and enslave people to a particular imaginary point.

This isn't the blog where I'm going to write about how the accumulated knowledge and information has not made the life better for the typical (non-wealthy) person in this world aside from the technological conveniences and some medical advances. This is the blog where I am writing about something more personal, where knowledge has failed me because I depended on knowledge to make me a better person. And you can be smart as fuck and have an interesting, rewarding life - but what good is it in a world like this? The smartest people in the world have no ideas and certainly no solutions to the global problems in the world. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the problem with knowledge - it's still quite limited and hasn't solved a single social problem since the days of ancient Greece. My acquired knowledge never rang up the solution to the problems of the world. In fact, I once (and ashamed to admit in public) that once could create their reality through imagination. And that flying saucers were due to arrive any moment. Today I cringe that I ever could be taken in so easily.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that acquiring knowledge and information made me "intelligent," when it only made my self-definition dependent on something outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that "intelligence is better than ignorance," and thus since I was "more intelligent than others" I must be "better than others," not realizing that intelligence is limited and I was limiting myself by defining myself is such ways.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to erect an edifice of personalities based on "intellect" and "wisdom," and within that not knowing that these personality structures were based on imagination and mental limitation and ultimately worthless.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use and accumulate knowledge and information to justify my perspectives of the world without finding or observing a solution to or taking responsibility for the problems my perspectives took notice of and objected to.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become isolated within my mind while amassing volumes of knowledge and information, which only diminished my effectiveness within the relationships I maintained in my world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be seduced by the claims that knowledge and information could find an answer to solve all the world's problems without seeing or understand why they never had anything more than a piddling effect throughout all of history.

I commit myself to no longer plunge myself within the refuge of books for the purpose of acquiring knowledge and information that will justify and feed my ego's need to be "special."
I commit myself to use my acquired knowledge and information in a meaningful way - to further and help bring about a solution to the benefit of all, and not waste time on meaningless mind-worship.

Day 14: The Husband

Having been twice-married, I have lived through the experience of being a "husband." Since both marriages failed I suppose it could be easily said that I also failed as a husband, which I don't mind admitting. I completely went through the motions of being a husband and never really took the role all that seriously. It was just another of the various identities I wore for a time.

The etymology of the word husband comes from the Nordic languages, "Husbondi" (master of the house). And at least I fulfilled that requirement as I managed to uphold. The "life partner" to the wife, not so good, obviously. When I bring the experiences of my marriages to the present and look at them, I see that I existed within my own private bubble of thoughts, secrets and perspectives that I never shared. Neither wife had any idea who I really was. I don't blame them. I simply didn't know how to share myself within any type of honesty, let alone self-honesty. As I have said, it was as if I was performing a role, and a rather shallow one at that. I did not tell the women who ended up marrying me that I really didn't want to marry them. I simply went along with it. You could say that I sacrificed myself for them so they wouldn't be alone because nobody else would marry them (or so I thought). I didn't tell either one that from the first day of marriage I would be leaving open a back door to escape at my time of choosing.  At the time I didn't know what I really wanted, to be free or to be legally bound to someone for the rest of my life. It was so much work trying to find someone interested in me in the first place. And while I never deluded myself that I was "in love" with either woman, it seemed to be a better bet just being with someone however which way they wanted it. They both asked and I agreed and immediately regretted the decision. Why couldn't I just say what I really felt? Because I was a coward. Because I was lazy. It apparently was far easier for me to sacrifice my life to women I didn't love (or rather, pretended to love) than to just say no, not interested in that, babe. I didn't have my priorities straight, it seemed.

But there was a payoff, as there always are in relationships. Shelter, sex, companionship and largely got to do what I wanted, which manifested with me alternating between being a nice husband and a royal jerk.

The upshot is that the consequences that arose from my self-dishonesty has made it very clear that none of this was justifiable, necessary or smart. Pure lunacy. And I caused a lot more problems for everyone instead of being a great help. Not cool and I am sorry it ever happened.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play the husband character with the full knowledge of dropping that role when it suited me, and not realizing the harm and damage such a secret agenda could do another.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to "play" the role of a character called the Husband and not taking it seriously enough and the consequence was that other people were hurt due to the nature of thoughts within my secret mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for not respecting my wives enough to tell them the truth of how I actually felt about getting married, and this gave then false hope and an incomplete reading of the situation of our relationship with them thinking everything is okay and with me thinking of ways to get out.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use women to protect me from loneliness and boredom which prevented me for a long time from facing myself and becoming self-honest.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not divulge any of the contents of my secret mind to others while this went on, because I feared that they may become upset -- not realizing that all I had to do was to show them where I was and speak it out loud and say everyone a lot of trouble
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be sacrificed within my marriages, and there I wasted a lot of valuable time and energy.
I forgive myself that I did NOT accept and allow myself to not say, "NO I don't want to get married"  when asked.

I commit myself in relieving the character of the husband for good and not activate him if ever I am asked to marry again.
I commit myself to take my relationships seriously, and if I ever get married again  I will not disrespect my partner by not telling her what is going on within me.
I commit myself that will not use the back door of my secret mind thoughts to deceive and delude my partner into a false reality where she thinks everything is fine while I'm planning to escape.
I commit myself to no longer offer myself up as a sacrificial relationship to another because a sacrifice only has value if that value is destroyed by the sacrifice - and whatever is destroyed by sacrifice can never be replaced.

Day 13: The Good Son

Mother always said that I never gave her any trouble. Typically I was always a good boy. Truth is I had to work at it, what with being the "man of the house" when I was only eight years old. Even then I knew that I was somehow being shafted out of a "normal" childhood by my parent's situation. So to keep things on an "even keel" I tried very hard to be dependable, reliable and ready for action because my mother had a hard time coping with being a young single parent with four kids.
If it sounds like I have some unresolved issues with my mother, I've gone through enough therapy and self-forgiveness to understand she probably did the best she knew how, and it's pointless to blame. I just need to forgive myself for a lot of self-sacrificing that wasn't to the betterment of my character.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate the character of a "Good Son" in order to keep my family together by placating and manipulating my mother into a "good mood."
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deceive my mother by being a "Good Son" - because  wanting to do "good things" and "get noticed" for mother was self-dishonest - because I was more concerned about my own experience than hers.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the "Good Son" as a defense mechanism against the existential fears of my own uncertain surroundings.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to help create my offspring of "good sons" of my own that replicates the pattern throughout all our lives.

I commit myself to stop using this character in order to manipulate others.
I commit myself to forgive and retire this character and develop the standing within myself in accordance to the equality principle without the need to manipulate others to further my self-interest.

Day 11: The Quitter Character

In the past when things got real tough to handle, I don't mind telling you folks that I was not beneath  walking away and quitting. Throw in the towel. Hang up the gloves,  "If I can't beat it, QUIT!" 

I've walked out of jobs, relationships, marriages, bands , you name it. If I wasn't calling all the shots, or get what I wanted,  I used to become quite agitated.I should have done better , but I didn't know how to face myself in those situations.Since I don't enjoy sustained conflict, walking away seemed like a proper choice.

But I've come to realize over the years, that this might not be the best way to  handle one's affairs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit when things get tough to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit when relationships got tough to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit when jobs got too crazy to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit just before things could have gotten better for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit instead of facing myself in what ever situation  that needed direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit; behind which existed a fear of loss or losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit and not realize that it was my Quitting Character that retreated and quit over a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit before I achieved anything that was worthwhile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit and go into self-judgment over it.

I commit myself to be watchful and notice when the Quitter Character is set to move into my consciousness and not "give in" and "admit defeat" when the Quitter, as a defense mechanism, appears.

I commit myself to transcend the Quitter where I do not allow myself to give on a point of defeat but instead walk through whatever comes up and deal with it one step at a time.

Day 10: The Substances of Separation

 "But as with Energy that has emerged as the substance of separation within me, because I did not stand with/as my equality and oneness – Money as the World-System has emerged as the manifestation of separation, because we as humanity could not regulate/take directive principles of our relationships with ourselves, each other and this physical existence in working/living together, and so money became the substitute that is controlling/regulating the functioning/existing of humanity as a whole together on this Earth." (Emphasis added) [1]

And here the formulation of the entirety of the Human Condition is succinctly stated, framed and made crystal clear. The alienation, dread, loneliness and the search for meaning and control in this world can all be reduced to a singular condition - separation. To deal with this sense of dreadful separation the fearful minds of human beings created Gods. Then shortly after that - money.


And it was all placed before us by the shamen, priests and philosophers, and later by the elites, scientists and investment bankers, all selling the same snake oil - and we all simply bought it and never questioned it. Hell, I knew something was terribly wrong with this world since my childhood, and I knew the "Spiritual Masters" were not telling us the entire story - but I never imagined how deep the controls really went! "How are going to make others buy into their enslavement?" Answer: print some dollars and tell them they have to buy the right to survive and see what happens - very few will even question it! Oh yes, there have been movements to make the financial racket "more fair" and less absolute, but look - movements like the Marxism, Communism and socialism were co-opted by Capitalism from Day One, and long ago became irrelevant in the matter concerning how human relations should be ideally formed. Social critics like Marx, Emma Goldman and Herbert Marcuse  and even Freud who held various straws of the problems of social oppression between human beings could not have guessed how far they would have to go in their research to get anywhere near the clarity and truthfulness of the quoted passage above. One could scarcely do better in finding a better laid - out schematic on how this world became so fucked up. Don't fall for the baloney from money - chasing New Agers and Celebrity Gurus and other paragons of wisdom, either. To them, the physical world is not real, anyway. The only things that really get them juiced is energy and money. Doesn't matter if most of the followers of New Age-ism don't have any money! They see that as their "Earth-School" opportunity to think and grow rich - content within their own bubble of consciousness while the rest of the world goes to hell. 


As a former Seeker of Truth about the Nature of Reality, I sought answers from what I believed were unorthodox sources. And while I was entertained with looking through these "channeled" material and "spiritual" hogwash, what I ultimately got out of it was an unsatisfying sense of "something missing." But I just couldn't put my finger on it. The entire spiritual construct seemed completely ineffective in stopping (or at the very least, curbing) the daily parade of atrocities and suffering that infect this world. All they offered were warm, fuzzy words and mental experiments where we were promised to have the power to "create our own reality" through the powers of consciousness. But if this was so, why did nothing ever change?


Because the problem is our relationship to consciousness, energy and (wait for it) money. And if one considers that this Holy Trinity of the substances of separation is where we must begin our work in deconstructing the problem of the enslavement of the human race, one must feel that we are finally standing on the firm ground of sanity and an actionable path in finding solutions to our problems. The solution is to first recognize that such substances of separation in fact exist. Too many people need to understand this. But, there are many seekers like myself who can put 1 + 1 together. And now that this truly revolutionary turn in human understanding has finally been made available for the first time, it is only a matter of time before more people attain the same realizations needed to finally place this world in a state of equality and oneness which is our True Substance and Being. Many thanks to Sunette Spies, Bernard Poolman and the rest of the Destonians who are making this material available.




I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself for failing to understand the connection between the energy of consciousness within and the energy of money that I allowed to control my actions and thoughts.
I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself for not recognizing that there exists a separation within the relationships of human beings and within that "gap" flows the blood of the system: money. And it is this blood of the system that I yearned to be baptized in, allowing me to become acceptable in the sight of the system and to myself. 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek after answers in unverifiable sources that promised that "everything will be alright in the end" and that "love and light will one day vanquish evil forever," instead of immediately question why love and light has never accomplished one goddamn thing in existence except deluding people into false beliefs that promise energy, higher consciousness and an escape from consequence.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could find the truth and the truth could "set me free" 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come to the idea that everything in life was "all about money," and feeling incapable of changing anything about how it all worked, especially myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could desire to obtain money and pursuing "higher consciousness" became my "directive principle" in my life. 
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with money throughout my life, a pattern that was duplicated/copied and passed down from my family who always struggled with not having enough money.


I commit myself in expanding my realizations about the energetic of consciousness and money and utilize that understanding in showing myself and others the way towards equality and oneness, which is the only solution to the problems that threaten and diminish all.



[1] Heaven's Journey to Life, Day 3