Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day 6: Hung up on the Absurdity of Selling

The past few weeks I have been facing my resistance towards selling. I've looked at this for quite a while, this resistance, and it seems to me that my resistance for "getting out there" and selling products in order to survive has its roots in what I've judged as the "absurdity of so-called life." Better phrased, I've judged the capitalist experiment as an "absurdity that ruins life." Because the whole affair is so patently pointless. Look at Steve Jobs. That guy sold more crap than anyone, and yet the billions of bucks he accumulated couldn't keep him from dying. No matter how many widgets I sell, the only reason I sell them is to have a bed to sleep in and food to eat, and for myself, that seems to be an awfully small and meaningless circle. Maybe if I had somehow gotten used to raking in big bucks I'd have a different perspective. But I would also have to change into someone else with a different set of premises which end up loving money as the end that justifies everything else, especially a Heaven for me and an ocean of Hell for you. It doesn't add up, for Death is the Great Subtractor and erases all our breaths except for whatever we managed to leave behind for others to ponder over. And right now I'm pondering the notion of selling things we make for money, ahh... money. Money can't buy me love, but when I have enough of it, it sure as hell pays my bills. But that doesn't remove the absurdity of it all. It only enhances it.Which brings me back around to my resistance. God, I hate playing the game, but we're all forced to play it or else we're fucked. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent, dislike and hold judgments about having to sell things to people in order to survive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a meaningless "cog" in the machinery of capitalism.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resenting having to be somewhere at the appointed time in order to sell things to other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent some of my customers for not giving me a proper chance to sell to them whatever product I am involved with. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent having quotas tome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling satisfied with myself for meeting quotas.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about how much commission I'm making.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about running out of money before I run out of breaths. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy with myself when I make a sale.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unhappy with myself when I blow a sale.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become "hung up" on reducing life to an absurdity selling and buying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire more and more money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there isn't anything wrong with me that money couldn't cure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about selling things to people. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be come anxious when trying to convince a stranger that they need the product I'm selling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others for not wanting the products I sell.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to give up selling because it's too hard.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to continue selling because I can make a lot more money on the commission. 
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take money-making more seriously in my life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be aware at all times who I am within my job of selling things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what I sell as "worthless crap." 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for selling "worthless crap" to "dumbshits."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become existentially depressed within the pointlessness of buying and selling things when I know that there's another, more noble and respectful way to live.

Therefore I commit myself to be aware of who I am within all that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the selling and buying of objects,  and not define myself within its absurd systematic process.
I commit myself to continue to work within the power of words to bring about a dignified  life for all.
I commit myself to stop judging myself and others through this process of economic survival, as there is no point in judging the consequences of what has already been accepted and allowed by myself.
I commit myself to continue to realize that judging myself and others for what we do isn't as crucial as understanding who we are within what we do, for we can remain stable for the moment when absurdity must be walked as the consequence of accepting and allowing such absurdities to exist.
I commit myself to never give up within the jaws of absurdity, because it's going to take a lot of work and money to accomplish what needs done. And if it takes money to get it done, then I have no choice but to become more and more effective with the creation of money through selling things to other until an Equal Money system is in place and we can finally discover what life really has to offer.

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