Deep into my spirituality years I was quite the seeker of what I thought was rare and obscure metaphysical information that was contained in channeled materials. I didn't follow everything as some of it was evern too goofy for me to swallow. Such as the Course in Miracles, which never failed to put me to sleep with ponderous mumbo-jumbo like this:
"What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of knowledge?" (p. 188)
Actually, this kind of sentiment would have appealed to me, if I hadn't looked deeper at what it really said. In any case, I just couldn't take most of it. Really. "What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of knowledge?" That doesn't even make sense. Knowledge is just a bunch of information that someone acquires. I suppose knowing that fire is hot and ice could comes in handy, but would one really call an agency for the restoration of health? As a metaphor, this type of metaphysical goo stinks, because it doesn't say anything substantial. And that the problem with metaphysics as a whole, especially when it's words coming from the "spiritual realms" where nobody can independently verify anything that has been claimed. What one is left is a clever arrangement of words, words, words purported to descend from "Masters" who work for the benefit of lifting Humanity up from the gross material world to the rarefied spiritual planes.
However, during my time as a spiritual Seeker, I was into channeled material big time. My favorites were Jane Roberts' Seth Material and the Messages from Michael. I read a bit of Kyron and Ramtha, but they didn't tickle my knowledge bone, and plus I didn't trust what was coming from Ramtha and suspected him to be a fake. The Seth Material was ultimately my cup of tea. I fell into it through searching for the meaning of a White Light experience that had recently occurred in my life and what the Seth Material spoke of seemed to fit perfectly. Neale Donald Walsch was also on my radar, but the more I read of his Conversations with God, the more I began to see nothing within that series was actually of any substance. Try applying those precepts. They simply don't work.
What I didn't understand or even ask myself was where did my desire for knowledge come from? I did have the sense that what I was looking for was some kind of direction, but never did I question (until many years later) whether such a yearning could have been used as a means of control. This only became apparent when I chose to step outside of what I perceived to be control: instead of experiencing freedom and clarity, bad things always happened to me. But I saw that bad things never seemed to happen to those who profited from obviously evil, pathological acts like the war-mongers and the super elites. I always seemed to lose more and more the further I tried to live whatever special spiritual knowledge I had acquired. So have many other well-meaning humans throughout time. And we got nothing out of it. Even those who did, like Mother Teresa, was ultimately left with such oppressive doubts of God's power on Earth to the point where she even stopped praying. At least she had sense enough to question her faith. Over the years my faith in special spiritual knowledge began to erode with a greater understanding on how little impact it had in the affairs of the world. Perhaps if we amended the above ACIM quote to read:
"What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of common sense?"
we could finally begin to see the scales faith and know fall from our eyes. But being the well-conditioned, self-perpetuating delusional robots people have always been, we won't drop their faiths and beliefs willingly or without much pain and suffering, which is unnecessary and inevitable. We do not know how to direct ourselves via common sense because we have forever relied on being directed by whatever knowledge or opinion strikes fancy in our ear. In order to appreciate the simplicity of the healing powers of common sense, we first have to acknowledge that what we have relied upon does not work for the best of all. It sure as hell doesn't work for most of us! Doesn't that appear to be a problem? The search for spiritual knowledge is the beginning of deception. Just ask Mother Teresa.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entertain the belief that I could attain some sort of freedom through the access of special spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that special spiritual knowledge could change the world for the better and not understanding that no beliefs can ever change the world for the better for everyone, only common sense action within the living principle of equality can do so.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my accessing special spiritual knowledge would be enough to change my life for the better, and not realizing that this was a desire based on self-interest alone and not of any benefit for anyone else.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question whether the search for special spiritual knowledge was something I directed on my own or was implanted in my head through acceptance of so-called spiritual knowledge from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with special spiritual knowledge I received through various books I read.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with special spiritual knowledge I received through channeled material from so-called "spiritual masters" and authors.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "special" within my presumed understanding of special spiritual knowledge, as if I had grasped the Key to Life while others remained in the ignorance of their childish beliefs.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that if I only rely on special spiritual knowledge as my methodology to deal with the world, the knowledge only exists in my mind and is useless without taking all into consideration, and further, without action, such knowledge by itself, is the height of the self-deception of consciousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that consciousness is superior to the physical.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my search for special spiritual knowledge was a program that I had activated and not self-directed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that knowledge gained through consciousness was superior to ordinary spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that my consciousness was equipped to discern between real special spiritual knowledge and phony special spiritual knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a pattern of acquiring special spiritual knowledge as a way to feel good about myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was superior to others by virtue of having special spiritual knowledge and they didn't.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself as "stupid" and "manipulated" when I realized that my search for special spiritual knowledge was fruitless vanity.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as my search for special spiritual knowledge progressed, the less effective I became in directing my life.
I am grateful (eternally) that when I had finally put away my search for special spiritual knowledge I encountered the Desteni Material almost immediately. Never again will I succumb to White Light propaganda or religious belief systems, as they have proven to be utterly useless in addressing anything of relevance. I read the damn material and I saw what was missing: even though my heart was firmly with those who suffer and are without hope, I did not recognize my own self-interest within all things and I sure as hell didn't appreciate the extent of my responsibility to all. This is why the Desteni Material is different. It embraces everything that special spiritual knowledge has ever rejected: what is Here in Oneness and Equality
